no, i ain't done it before. do i look like a fucking faggot? you're the only fucking one i've looked at. does that make me queer? no. does it mean we should fuck? yeah.
[ he's surprised this is coming out of him, surprised that he's allowing himself to be so open, especially over a text. gator's jaw tenses, and he stares down at his phone, trying to sort his own lustful thoughts. he's insatiable, and he thinks it's because of what they've been doing lately. double-teaming girls wherever they can, watching each other fuck. it's almost too much for gator sometimes, the look on billy's face when he comes - ]
fucking stupid. you can give me a blowjob. i bet you thought about it. swallowing my fucking dick down your throat.
you're talking about sucking my dick, swallowing my come. saying we should fuck. yeah, i think you look like a fucking faggot.
[ Because if he says it first then maybe Gator won't figure out what a fucking faggot Billy is. Maybe he can fake it, like he's never done this before. Like he isn't irritated Gator's wasting his time trying to fuck girls who can't take it when he could be fucking Billy instead. ]
i'm flattered, man. but you're not really selling it here. i blow you, what do i get?
does that get you hard? thinking about me sucking you off? how many times have you thought about it?
takes one to fucking know one, then, huh? i knew you were a goddamn faggot, but c'mon, you think i'm that desperate? ain't no slut around here that wouldn't be begging on their knees for me. and you think turning your fucking nose up at it like some bitch playing hard to get will get it drooling?
[ alright, so he's angry. billy has called his bluff, and rage irritates his insides. ]
you get to blow me, shithead. but consider that offer gone. you ain't gonna get far like that.
fuck off. given the evidence anybody could figure you out.
[ I knew you were a goddamn faggot, Gator says, and reading the words makes Billy's stomach turn. It's not the first time, it's not the last. But it still scares the shit out of him, knowing Gator could use this however he wants. Anyone would believe him over Billy.
All Gator would need to say is that Billy tried to come onto him. It'd be that simple to make Billy out to be a fucking freak. He doesn't know what to do about it and he's mad now too, so he lights a cigarette before looking at his phone again. ]
if your dick's in such high demand, why do you want me on it so bad? huh? make it fucking make sense.
oh well? you're the one who wants to fuck me, man. you think i'm gonna lose sleep over it?
yeah, but would they fucking believe it? think about that for a goddamn second, hargrove. who'd believe that? my dick's always in high demand. don't act like you don't want my fucking sloppy seconds for a reason.
[ he's just as guilty as billy is - but a tillman couldn't possibly be queer, or half-queer, or whatever the fuck he is. it's not something he's having a pleasant time figuring out, especially with billy. they're both too afraid, but the lust is there. churning, carnal, unable to be slaked. if he could kiss billy right now, he would, he'd do things to him that are illegal in north dakota. however, his anger and scorned pride seem to be winning over. ]
you could be coming right now. but you chose different, didn't you? splitting you open would've been fun.
[ But they'd believe you're a faggot, Billy thinks. They probably already know. They probably already know the things he thinks about Gator. The paranoia's eating him up, but he can't fucking stay away from him.
What he wouldn't do to fuck all that goddamn attitude right out of him. The worst part is that he's right. That he's thought about this too many times, that he wants it, wants him, so badly it makes him feel fucking crazy. Fuck. Only a crazy person would get wrapped up in Gator Tillman like this. ]
don't need you around for that, man. still sounds like a you problem.
yeah, like i'd let you near my ass. bet you haven't even fucked a chick there before.
[ do it, see who they believe. it's a dare in gator's head, and while he knows better than to dance with billy fucking hargrove like this - he knows where he keeps his weaknesses. he's afraid to admit it because it'll make him less, and gator knows it, because he has the same fear. the same hatred for himself that bubbles up like acid in the throat. anger, rage, pain - he can't be this way, but he knows that if he isn't - ]
i've fucked plenty in the ass. what, you scared i'll be too rough? fucking tantrum, huh? i'll show you a fucking tantrum.
[ his chest rises and falls, and he has pure rage running through his veins. red-hot fire races through his bloodstream. he doesn't know if he wants to beat billy senseless or fuck billy senseless, but one of them is happening - now. ]
[ Billy just needs to make it through one year. One fucking school year without the world blowing up around him. Then he's never looking back, never returning to this frozen fucking wasteland. Fuck this place, fuck everyone here, fuck all of it.
Can't do that if Gator starts telling people he's a queer. Shit, if he starts fooling around with him and his dad finds out? That's a death sentence. ]
yeah? how many of em actually liked it?
i'm not fucking scared of you, tillman.
[ Maybe a little bit. Gator has power, socially. The jocks follow him without question, out of awe or fear or both. He wonders if he ever tried to fuck any of them. ]
[ mutual destruction. gator had been taught that early on under the tillman roof, roy using it when one of his wives sees too much, hears too much. it always works, the delusion that somehow both will fall on the grenade. he stares at his phone, watching the text accumulate. he's standing outside of the tillman house in the snow, smoking a cigarette. smoke billows from his lips, thumbs over the keyboard. ]
i don't fucking care if they liked it. i did. you should be. meet me down at the quarry. bring lube. i know you've fucking got some. no condoms.
[ this is insane, yes, but so is gator tillman. he's been insane, inhuman, for far too long. with billy, maybe he can be himself. maybe he can be someone else besides who he is. he carries the same guilt, masturbating alone to men's magazines, watching billy as he fucks whatever pussy they score together. gator can't help it, and he doesn't want to, not with billy. ]
[ And if Billy enjoys this, he'll be surprised. They've fucked the same girls enough for him to know Gator doesn't give a shit if they enjoy it. Billy barely does either, but he at least pretends a little. Usually.
This is stupid. Crazy. Bordering on suicidal, really. But God fucking help him, he wants him so fucking badly. So he takes a few screenshots - just in case he needs to prove that hey, Gator's the one fucking initiating this shit - and then returns to typing. ]
the quarry? it's fucking freezing.
whatever, man. yeah, i've got some.
[ No condoms. Billy feels his face flush at the thought of taking Gator, both long and thick, one of the biggest he's seen - and taking him raw. Hearing him grunt when he comes and this time, he'll feel it, hot and deep. Fuck. He's watched him do it across a girl's face, couldn't get the image out of his head if he tried. He throbs in his jeans and takes another drag from his cigarette. ]
if you're not there in 20 i'm leaving
[ Not too generous, given that the Tillmans are pretty isolated out on their ranch. But Billy knows full well that Gator's got no qualms with speeding, even with snow on the roads. As for him, he pulls on his winter jacket, tucking a small bottle of lube into the pocket, and heads out to his car.
It's only the cold making his hands shake against the steering wheel. Nothing else. ]
[ gator ignores the texts, stomping out his cigarette under his boots. his truck keys are in his pocket, so when he climbs in and starts the heater - he knows what's about to happen. he's about to fuck another man for the first time - he's about to fuck billy hargrove. he knows that this might be dangerous, that billy might fight or become disinterested, but gator's determined to get what he wants and what he needs out of billy tonight. if that includes using a little violence to get his way, so be it. sometimes it begets it, the rage and anger combined.
he pulls up at the quarry around fifteen minutes later, looking out of the front of his truck window. when he spots the fucking camaro, he parks near it and kills the engine. he gets out, then walks around the rear end of the truck. he unlocks the bed, watching the tailgate fall over. ]
Get outta the fuckin' car.
[ he's already stripping, pulling himself out of his t-shirt and tossing it onto the bed. his belt is next, and he snaps it. maybe he'll use it to tie billy up, or stick it in his mouth, or wrap it around his throat - ]
[ Billy arrives at the quarry and is relieved to find it deserted. He's partied here in the summer, the fall, but it's eerie now, quiet and dark. He's still trembling a little as he lights another cigarette, heartbeat racing.
Gator's truck pulling up spikes his heartbeat again, and he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have just left. That'd be worse, though, he knows it. Gator doesn't need more reason to change his mind, to fuck him over instead of just fucking him.
He opens his door and steps out with a snort, rolling his eyes. ]
Cool it, officer, I'm fuckin' coming.
[ Snow crunches under his boots as he makes his way over to Gator's truck, letting his eyes roam over his muscles as he undresses. Billy's much less willing to get naked in this weather, setting the bottle of lube in the truck bed before shucking out of his jacket. Even with a thermal on, it's still fucking cold. So he goes for his own belt next, and for once, he feels like he doesn't know what he's doing.
It's different with chicks. Hell, it's different with guys who aren't Gator. Does he want to make out, or is that too faggy? How much can he touch him without it getting weird? With all the guys he's been with before, he's never needed to consider it. ]
You sure you don't wanna do this in the back seat?
[ gator's used to the cold. too used to it. whether it be from his own family life to the literal weather, gator's known cold for as long as he can remember. it's molded him into something icy, so when he looks at billy, he sees nothing but weakness in this moment. he steps up to billy, half-naked, pulling him close into a kiss. it's bruising, gator's teeth biting billy's bottom lip. it's horrible and monstrous, how he drinks from billy before shoving him against the truck. ]
Then go on, get in the back fuckin' seat.
[ he unbuttons and unzips his fly, climbing into the truck after billy and slamming the door. he's on him again in a matter of seconds, pants open. he kisses him again, harder, pushing him back against the seat. gator licks up the side of billy's neck - and this isn't as different as he thought it would be. billy's mouth tastes good - his body fits. gator kisses his jawline, his ear, and this is what gator has to overcome - his hand slithers downward, and gator parts from billy long enough for a flash of uncertainty sparks in his eyes. he looks down billy's body, and as his attention hones in on his crotch - another man's dick - he decides that he's here for one thing, and he might as well take it. ]
[ When Gator yanks him close, though, all Billy feels is heat, burning through layers of clothing. He kisses just as roughly as Billy imagined, teeth sinking into his lip, making him groan. It's not enough, though, and soon he's being pushed back against the truck, Gator back to snapping at him, demanding he get in. ]
Christ.
[ Billy tugs his jeans down to his knees before climbing his way into the back of Gator's truck, wondering how all the chicks he picks up manage to even get in. Feeling Gator's weight top of him is even better than he thought it would be. Fuck. He's missed this. Try as he might not to want it, he misses being with guys all the goddamn time. He knows how risky it is. He knows Gator could use this to blow up his entire life. But if that were enough to deter him, he'd be at home right now.
Billy opens up easily for another bruising kiss, grabbing at Gator's hips. It feels different than when they fuck girls together - they're both so hungry for it, for each other. He shivers as lips and tongue work over his throat, his jaw, his breath hitching in his throat. There's a moment where Gator freezes, and Billy just stares up at him, lips parted, watching as those dark eyes wander down to the erection straining the front of his boxers.
Open your fuckin' legs, Gator demands, and Billy can't help letting out a breathless laugh as he obeys, thighs spreading wide against the cold leather seats, goosebumps prickling along his skin. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
you're the only fucking one i've looked at. does that make me queer? no.
does it mean we should fuck? yeah.
[ he's surprised this is coming out of him, surprised that he's allowing himself to be so open, especially over a text. gator's jaw tenses, and he stares down at his phone, trying to sort his own lustful thoughts. he's insatiable, and he thinks it's because of what they've been doing lately. double-teaming girls wherever they can, watching each other fuck. it's almost too much for gator sometimes, the look on billy's face when he comes - ]
fucking stupid. you can give me a blowjob.
i bet you thought about it. swallowing my fucking dick down your throat.
no subject
[ Because if he says it first then maybe Gator won't figure out what a fucking faggot Billy is. Maybe he can fake it, like he's never done this before. Like he isn't irritated Gator's wasting his time trying to fuck girls who can't take it when he could be fucking Billy instead. ]
i'm flattered, man. but you're not really selling it here. i blow you, what do i get?
does that get you hard? thinking about me sucking you off? how many times have you thought about it?
no subject
i knew you were a goddamn faggot, but c'mon, you think i'm that desperate?
ain't no slut around here that wouldn't be begging on their knees for me.
and you think turning your fucking nose up at it like some bitch playing hard to get will get it drooling?
[ alright, so he's angry. billy has called his bluff, and rage irritates his insides. ]
you get to blow me, shithead.
but consider that offer gone. you ain't gonna get far like that.
no subject
[ I knew you were a goddamn faggot, Gator says, and reading the words makes Billy's stomach turn. It's not the first time, it's not the last. But it still scares the shit out of him, knowing Gator could use this however he wants. Anyone would believe him over Billy.
All Gator would need to say is that Billy tried to come onto him. It'd be that simple to make Billy out to be a fucking freak. He doesn't know what to do about it and he's mad now too, so he lights a cigarette before looking at his phone again. ]
if your dick's in such high demand, why do you want me on it so bad? huh? make it fucking make sense.
oh well? you're the one who wants to fuck me, man. you think i'm gonna lose sleep over it?
no subject
think about that for a goddamn second, hargrove. who'd believe that?
my dick's always in high demand. don't act like you don't want my fucking sloppy seconds for a reason.
[ he's just as guilty as billy is - but a tillman couldn't possibly be queer, or half-queer, or whatever the fuck he is. it's not something he's having a pleasant time figuring out, especially with billy. they're both too afraid, but the lust is there. churning, carnal, unable to be slaked. if he could kiss billy right now, he would, he'd do things to him that are illegal in north dakota. however, his anger and scorned pride seem to be winning over. ]
you could be coming right now.
but you chose different, didn't you? splitting you open would've been fun.
no subject
[ But they'd believe you're a faggot, Billy thinks. They probably already know. They probably already know the things he thinks about Gator. The paranoia's eating him up, but he can't fucking stay away from him.
What he wouldn't do to fuck all that goddamn attitude right out of him. The worst part is that he's right. That he's thought about this too many times, that he wants it, wants him, so badly it makes him feel fucking crazy. Fuck. Only a crazy person would get wrapped up in Gator Tillman like this. ]
don't need you around for that, man. still sounds like a you problem.
yeah, like i'd let you near my ass. bet you haven't even fucked a chick there before.
are you done with your fuckin tantrum yet?
no subject
[ do it, see who they believe. it's a dare in gator's head, and while he knows better than to dance with billy fucking hargrove like this - he knows where he keeps his weaknesses. he's afraid to admit it because it'll make him less, and gator knows it, because he has the same fear. the same hatred for himself that bubbles up like acid in the throat. anger, rage, pain - he can't be this way, but he knows that if he isn't - ]
i've fucked plenty in the ass.
what, you scared i'll be too rough?
fucking tantrum, huh? i'll show you a fucking tantrum.
[ his chest rises and falls, and he has pure rage running through his veins. red-hot fire races through his bloodstream. he doesn't know if he wants to beat billy senseless or fuck billy senseless, but one of them is happening - now. ]
meet me somewhere and let me fuck you up the ass.
no subject
[ Billy just needs to make it through one year. One fucking school year without the world blowing up around him. Then he's never looking back, never returning to this frozen fucking wasteland. Fuck this place, fuck everyone here, fuck all of it.
Can't do that if Gator starts telling people he's a queer. Shit, if he starts fooling around with him and his dad finds out? That's a death sentence. ]
yeah? how many of em actually liked it?
i'm not fucking scared of you, tillman.
[ Maybe a little bit. Gator has power, socially. The jocks follow him without question, out of awe or fear or both. He wonders if he ever tried to fuck any of them. ]
you're fucking crazy, man.
[ Not as fucking crazy as you are. ]
where?
no subject
[ mutual destruction. gator had been taught that early on under the tillman roof, roy using it when one of his wives sees too much, hears too much. it always works, the delusion that somehow both will fall on the grenade. he stares at his phone, watching the text accumulate. he's standing outside of the tillman house in the snow, smoking a cigarette. smoke billows from his lips, thumbs over the keyboard. ]
i don't fucking care if they liked it. i did.
you should be.
meet me down at the quarry. bring lube. i know you've fucking got some.
no condoms.
[ this is insane, yes, but so is gator tillman. he's been insane, inhuman, for far too long. with billy, maybe he can be himself. maybe he can be someone else besides who he is. he carries the same guilt, masturbating alone to men's magazines, watching billy as he fucks whatever pussy they score together. gator can't help it, and he doesn't want to, not with billy. ]
no subject
[ And if Billy enjoys this, he'll be surprised. They've fucked the same girls enough for him to know Gator doesn't give a shit if they enjoy it. Billy barely does either, but he at least pretends a little. Usually.
This is stupid. Crazy. Bordering on suicidal, really. But God fucking help him, he wants him so fucking badly. So he takes a few screenshots - just in case he needs to prove that hey, Gator's the one fucking initiating this shit - and then returns to typing. ]
the quarry? it's fucking freezing.
whatever, man. yeah, i've got some.
[ No condoms. Billy feels his face flush at the thought of taking Gator, both long and thick, one of the biggest he's seen - and taking him raw. Hearing him grunt when he comes and this time, he'll feel it, hot and deep. Fuck. He's watched him do it across a girl's face, couldn't get the image out of his head if he tried. He throbs in his jeans and takes another drag from his cigarette. ]
if you're not there in 20 i'm leaving
[ Not too generous, given that the Tillmans are pretty isolated out on their ranch. But Billy knows full well that Gator's got no qualms with speeding, even with snow on the roads. As for him, he pulls on his winter jacket, tucking a small bottle of lube into the pocket, and heads out to his car.
It's only the cold making his hands shake against the steering wheel. Nothing else. ]
no subject
he pulls up at the quarry around fifteen minutes later, looking out of the front of his truck window. when he spots the fucking camaro, he parks near it and kills the engine. he gets out, then walks around the rear end of the truck. he unlocks the bed, watching the tailgate fall over. ]
Get outta the fuckin' car.
[ he's already stripping, pulling himself out of his t-shirt and tossing it onto the bed. his belt is next, and he snaps it. maybe he'll use it to tie billy up, or stick it in his mouth, or wrap it around his throat - ]
no subject
Gator's truck pulling up spikes his heartbeat again, and he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have just left. That'd be worse, though, he knows it. Gator doesn't need more reason to change his mind, to fuck him over instead of just fucking him.
He opens his door and steps out with a snort, rolling his eyes. ]
Cool it, officer, I'm fuckin' coming.
[ Snow crunches under his boots as he makes his way over to Gator's truck, letting his eyes roam over his muscles as he undresses. Billy's much less willing to get naked in this weather, setting the bottle of lube in the truck bed before shucking out of his jacket. Even with a thermal on, it's still fucking cold. So he goes for his own belt next, and for once, he feels like he doesn't know what he's doing.
It's different with chicks. Hell, it's different with guys who aren't Gator. Does he want to make out, or is that too faggy? How much can he touch him without it getting weird? With all the guys he's been with before, he's never needed to consider it. ]
You sure you don't wanna do this in the back seat?
[ Wouldn't be the first time. ]
no subject
[ gator's used to the cold. too used to it. whether it be from his own family life to the literal weather, gator's known cold for as long as he can remember. it's molded him into something icy, so when he looks at billy, he sees nothing but weakness in this moment. he steps up to billy, half-naked, pulling him close into a kiss. it's bruising, gator's teeth biting billy's bottom lip. it's horrible and monstrous, how he drinks from billy before shoving him against the truck. ]
Then go on, get in the back fuckin' seat.
[ he unbuttons and unzips his fly, climbing into the truck after billy and slamming the door. he's on him again in a matter of seconds, pants open. he kisses him again, harder, pushing him back against the seat. gator licks up the side of billy's neck - and this isn't as different as he thought it would be. billy's mouth tastes good - his body fits. gator kisses his jawline, his ear, and this is what gator has to overcome - his hand slithers downward, and gator parts from billy long enough for a flash of uncertainty sparks in his eyes. he looks down billy's body, and as his attention hones in on his crotch - another man's dick - he decides that he's here for one thing, and he might as well take it. ]
Open your fuckin' legs.
no subject
[ When Gator yanks him close, though, all Billy feels is heat, burning through layers of clothing. He kisses just as roughly as Billy imagined, teeth sinking into his lip, making him groan. It's not enough, though, and soon he's being pushed back against the truck, Gator back to snapping at him, demanding he get in. ]
Christ.
[ Billy tugs his jeans down to his knees before climbing his way into the back of Gator's truck, wondering how all the chicks he picks up manage to even get in. Feeling Gator's weight top of him is even better than he thought it would be. Fuck. He's missed this. Try as he might not to want it, he misses being with guys all the goddamn time. He knows how risky it is. He knows Gator could use this to blow up his entire life. But if that were enough to deter him, he'd be at home right now.
Billy opens up easily for another bruising kiss, grabbing at Gator's hips. It feels different than when they fuck girls together - they're both so hungry for it, for each other. He shivers as lips and tongue work over his throat, his jaw, his breath hitching in his throat. There's a moment where Gator freezes, and Billy just stares up at him, lips parted, watching as those dark eyes wander down to the erection straining the front of his boxers.
Open your fuckin' legs, Gator demands, and Billy can't help letting out a breathless laugh as he obeys, thighs spreading wide against the cold leather seats, goosebumps prickling along his skin. ]
This what you've been dreaming of, Tillman?