[ His brain and mouth havenāt quite figured out how to work in tandem again yet and he nods weakly, docile and pliable enough for the time being to leave his stubbornness by the wayside and tell the truth of it. It was good, a better high than anything stashed in his bedroom could possibly ever provide. Heās thoroughly satisfied, and the only problem is that he knows he was right: once isnāt enough.
With absolutely no regard for the mess between them, he slumps against Gator like a rag doll and just stays there for a moment, quiet as his heartbeat and breath match the pace of Gatorāsāone beat, two, three, fourā¦Itās the soft aftermath that pulls him back down to earth, the gentle touch on his spine so foreign from these particular hands that it slowly begins pulling on his tether, drawing him out of his stupor. Slowly, his raises his head, blinking in the dim light. ]
And here I was so eager to let everyone know Iām a cop fucker.
[ Thereās no heat to it, and he mumbles, deadpan, still coming out of his haze. He doesnāt particularly care about Tillman Sr. right now, even if he is significantly more intimidating than his son. Heās not here, and there were never any plans to utter a single word about this to anyone. Eddie doesnāt feel a lot of shame aboutā¦well, anything, to be perfectly honest, but heās not stupid. There are some things best kept quiet, and this is certainly one of them. ]
Donāt worry about it, ākay?
[ He brushes the askew hair back and kisses him once, impossibly sweet. ]
[ the nodding, the sighing, the kissing: gator tillman is a dead man, and it won't be a bullet from his father's gun that blows his brains out. it'll be this... strange, soft, sweet tenderness that didn't exist not an hour ago. call it afterglow, call it his dick getting wet - he kisses eddie back so slowly, so deliberately, biting into his bottom lip and sucking it gently. all gator can manage is mmhm, kissing eddie's jaw. yeah, he's a dead man, alright. ]
Cop fucker, yeah, you sure are.
[ a grin, a little bounce of his lap to make sure eddie knows he's still inside him. he's not mean, he's not cruel, he's simply existing at the arms of something he's feeling attracted to. it's a warmth, and he hates it just as much as he wants to burn himself against it. he should be feeling nausea and anxiety and regret and pain - but here he is, eddie munson on his lap, their naked bodies fitting so fucking perfectly. ]
I ain't gonna so long as -
[ they're kissing, and gator groans again, cupping eddie's face by his cheeks and mouthing at him. ]
- we just keep it a fuckin' secret. He ain't gotta know. This is just you and me. It ain't gotta make it around town.
[ gator stares at eddie, searching his eyes with his own. they're sharper now, more in-focus. he tilts his head, swallowing stiffly, then releases his gentle hold. he leans back against the cushions, hand on eddie's hip. they're still naked and entangled, but gator begins to feel the stickiness of it all. he winces, then gazes up at eddie with a slight pout. ]
[ Maybe itās just the afterglow and the fact that heās feeling satisfied and warm and content, maybe itās the fact that every kiss is painfully sweet and gentle and it takes everything for him to not just melt into each one, but he feels the need to soothe that worry. Maybe an anxious man just has the innate ability to recognize anxiety, no matter how deeply buried it may be. He murmurs against Gatorās mouth as they kiss, voice soft: ]
Heās not gonna know. No oneās gonna know. Iām not exactly in the business of oversharing, soā¦
[ His gaze is so open and so earnest that he couldnāt lie if he wanted to. Eddie is a lot of things, but heās not a snitch or an idiot, and he knows when to keep silent about something. No one else needs to know, it could be bad if anyone else did know, and therefore this will stay between the two of them. ]
But, uh, I suggest parking elsewhere next time. Pretty sure most noise complaint visits donāt take this long and we wouldnāt want to disappoint the neighbors when you donāt haul me out of here in cuffs, would we?
[ Heās loathe to leave the warmth of this moment, but it has to be done. With a sigh and a grimace, he finally pulls himself off of Gator, grumbling something about his inability to walk. He manages just fine, though, and vaguely gestures for Gator to follow as he slips into the tiny bathroom. Itās cramped and outdated, the same as the rest of the house, but itās enough to get the job done.
Eddie reaches into the shower and turns the knob all the way to the right to get the water running. Shitty pipes mean a short but frustrating wait for hot water, and Eddie takes the spare moment to peer into the mirror over the sink, brushing his hair to the side to gently press his fingertips to the dark scattering of bruises forming on his throat. Itās kind of impressive work, really, and heās not entirely sure how he plans on hiding it. He may have to lie and say he was in a particularly nasty fight. ]
Jesus Christ. Couldnāt have mauled me a bit more? Not sure I look enough like a dalmatian.
[ they're still kissing, and gator feels oddly content with it. his lips are soft, sweet, tasting of weed and beer and himself. he angles his chin to devour eddie's neck again, licking over one of the bruises. sure, it's anxiety, it's always anxiety, but roy tillman finding out that gator's in the arms of another man - especially the little burnout from the trailer park - gator swallows, suddenly stone-cold sober. he leans his head back, and the look in his eyes indicates that he's coming back to the surface. ]
I could haul your ass outta here if it helps you feel better, but I ain't gonna.
[ eddie has fair points, and gator knows better. he shouldn't have parked outside, he shouldn't have stayed this long. he doesn't regret the sex, not at all, never would - but he feels a cold stone of worry flick around his insides. when eddie leads him to the shower, though, he wraps his arms around him from behind. he kisses the crook of his neck, strong and solid as he steps eddie into the water with him. it's warm, finally, and gator turns eddie toward him slowly. ]
This ain't gonna be nothin' but this.
[ he grasps eddie's cock in his hand, giving it a stroke. he takes it away, swallowing. he's tempted again, despite only fucking minutes ago. he breathes heavy, and he knows what he wants. he reaches past eddie to pick up a washcloth, then the soap. he looks into eddie's eyes, searching, before he lathers up the cloth and begins to wash his chest. ]
We can't do nothin' else, you got me? Just gonna be fuckin'.
[ eddie mentions the marks, and gator's eyes lighten up, that cruel streak hitting the waves. he runs his soapy fingers down one of them, caressing. he's admiring his violent work, though the violence came in the urge. he leans down, kissing eddie just slightly at the corner of his mouth. ]
Don't act like you don't want more, baby. I might leave one on your ass.
[ Not being hauled out of here in cuffs is definitely the cherry on top. He knows that the neighbors are going to gossip, but heās not too worried. Their assumptions are just going to be wrong or unfounded, as they always are. Everyone assumes they know what Eddie gets up to, but theyāre often wildly off base (the rumors about satanism or human sacrifice) or lacking in any concrete proof. Everyone knows he sells, but no one has ever been able to put a real pin in it, nor will they ever so long as his clientele remain silent. To the world outside, thereās absolutely no proof that this is anything more than a noise complaint run a little too long.
Heās grateful for the rush of warm water as he steps backward into it, grateful for the continued kisses that keep that high going just a little longer. He sighs, his eyelids fluttering shut as Gatorās hand falls on him and another wave of desire washes over him. Itās damn near impossible not to give in, but heās sore and exhausted and figures it would be in his best interest to exercise some level of self restraint. At least while he still has the ability to. ]
I really want to, man, butā¦Iām also pretty sure you just fucked out a piece of my soul and Iām really gonna need a lot longer than two minutes to recover from all that, soā¦
[ Theyāre already in terribly close quarters, but Eddie drifts closer still, the scent of soap on his tongue as he leans in to mouth at Gatorās jaw and snakes a hand between the two of the and drags his thin fingers along the length of Gatorās cock. Itās a light, meandering sort of touch, little more than a graze, more teasing than not, but he makes I known that he would go for a second round if he could. ]
But, uhā¦I get you. Absolutely.
[ And why should it ever be anything else? Eddie isnāt even sure he particularly likes this man, even if he has seen a couple unexpected flickers of humanity in him this evening. And even if he is unfairly handsome. It doesnāt change the fact that heās a cop, or the fact that he has a cruel streak a mile wide. No, he doesnāt foresee any possible risk of this becoming anything more than this fucked up little physical bond theyāve formed tonight. Wouldnāt that be a cold day in hell?
The sparkle in his eye and the smirk threatening to invade the softness of his features imply he has more to say, though, and when has he ever avoided a quip? ]
Just wondering if youāre telling me that for my sake or your own.
[ Another kiss, another touch, and a mumble against his skin: ]
[ the shower is small, cramped, barely carrying both of their weight - but gator keeps eddie close. his body heat, the warmth of the water, it makes gator's already relaxed muscles loosen the last bit of tension carried deep. he lowers his head, slicked hair falling in his eyes as he closes them and spits water, hand coming up to sop it all back. he continues to wash eddie, hips only jumping slightly at his touch. he kisses his forehead, muttering something under his breath that might sound like - ]
Fuckin' tease.
[ a smirk stretches his mouth, and he grasps the washcloth, taking it to his chest next. he soaps himself up, leaning to give eddie another kiss. he doesn't feel any hatred in this moment - there is no resentment, no pain of the cold, no bitterness of the tillman boot. while that's mostly due to a great lay and substances, gator's docile behavior never lasts too long. at his base, he is an animal, grown angry and full of rage. he has the ranch to thank for that, as well as the edge of a father's knife. gator pulls eddie close and mouths at him, soap bubbling up between them. ]
Let me wash your back.
[ he parts from eddie enough to soap the washcloth up again, rolling it between his large palms. he doesn't know why his irritation at himself has come out as softness, but there they are, taking a shower after fucking on a flimsy couch. it's not the night gator expected, definitely up to this moment and what he guesses is beyond. the secret will have to remain that way, but he knows not to say a fucking word. gator's proclivities are known in whispers, but never full-on accusations. the truth of it is that he likes eddie enough to fuck him, but that doesn't mean he won't put on a show if push comes to shove via the law of the tillman land. ]
It's for both our fuckin' sakes. C'mere.
[ rolling the washcloth down eddie's spine, he strokes in circles. he has to leave after this, probably, to keep the temptation down. if he had it his way, they'd be up and down like this all night, but there are limits. he can't leave just yet, still a three-shades to the wind kind of situation, but he's not going to fuck eddie again. he can't. ]
[ Eddie chuckles, ears just barely picking up on that mumble through the sound of the rushing water. ]
Yeah well, excuse me for needing to retain some level of mobility below the waist in the morning. Donāt you need to think about getting going anyway?
[ Thereās no real urgency in his voice, and he certainly isnāt trying to speed him along. He knows that the effect of the substances havenāt quite worn off yet, and heās not particularly concerned about company showing up unannouncedānot when heās perfectly capable of ignoring any unwelcome knocking at the door, but the squad car parked outside and the thought of how long itās been there does stir a little anxiety, whether he thinks the neighbors will be able to work it out or not.
At another time, that flicker of anxiety might grow into more. Heās not a brave man; it would be so easy for him to grow flighty and scared and try to put an end to this right here and now, but that isnāt what happens. Lucky for both of them, that anxiety is immediately quashed beneath warm water and shockingly gentle hands working their way along his spine. ]
What a service.
[ He sighs, content in the softness of this moment despite knowing well that this wonāt last for long. Itās already gone on for far longer than expected, but heāll take what he can get while he can. It certainly makes him like Gator much more.
He twist in his arms to peer at him yet again, giving him a little nudge. ]
āKay. Turn around. Let me return the favor.
[ Literally you wash my back, Iāll wash yours. ]
[ gator smirks against eddie's skin, kissing his shoulder as he soaps him up. he scrubs him clean gently, peppering his lips across his back. he doesn't know why he's decided to be so kind tonight - but as he closes his eyes and takes in a breath of the steam, he can tell that he's still very intoxicated. fucked up, truth be told, but maybe that'll take the edge off of this in the morning. he doesn't normally get hungover, not too much, but tonight's activities make him feel as if he'll feel something after he sleeps. regret, maybe. maybe not. when eddie speaks of him going, gator's lip curls, and he knows. ]
Yeah, I do. I can't stay here all night, now can I?
[ no urgency, but gator gets it. the suv has been parked outside for quite a while at this point, and while people always whisper - gator clears his throat, trying to sober himself enough to not fuck any of this up. yeah, he came inside of the local criminal burnout, and it was so good he wants more, but he also knows the law of the land. he has to leave, maybe drive down to the quarry and sleep it off for a minute. anxiety rolls down his spine, but when eddie asks to return the favor, gator smirks again. ]
Try to keep your hands off my ass.
[ he turns, slow, reaching for one of the walls as he stands. he lowers his head, sopping hair falling against his face as he waits for it. the warmth, eddie's hands. he can't believe this is happening, not really, so he knows he'll have to keep eddie at arm's length. sex is sex, but emotions - gator doesn't get along with his on the best of days. this can't happen, and he knows it. working his body over isn't the same thing. it never will be. ]
Nope. Cute that youāre under the impression Iād invite you to, though.
[ His tone and grin indicate a joke, but staying truly isnāt an option. It was never an option, and itās never going to be an option. Despite their alcohol and weed addled minds, they both seem to have arrived at the same conclusion about this situation. They both recognize the risks and the type of bad news it could spell if this little āā were found out by the wrong person. They donāt need to be feeling brave or taking chances here, and this doesnāt need to be a complicated situation.
But itās kind of already more complicated than Eddie is giving it credit for. If heād expected anything at all, it was a quick fuck-and-go, because thatās the type of behavior itās easy to associate with Gator Tillman. Never in a million years did he expect any form of aftercare, any tenderness or sweetness, let alone the two of them pressed close in a small shower washing one anotherās backs. Maybe he can thank the weed, but heās still not sure what to do with this information. Itās novel enough at the moment, but if it becomes a common occurrence, there may well come a time where, no matter what he says, Eddieās feelings could shift and he wonāt want him to leave. And thenā¦well, that would be an enormous problem for everyone involved.
For now, though? For now, thatās not even a seed of worry in the back of his mind. Itās fine. Itās a nice bonus, and it doesnāt have to mean anything because it doesnāt. ]
Tell me about it, man. But, uh, Iām a perfect angel, soā¦
[ He says as if he didnāt just prove himself the complete opposite only minutes ago. He does keep to his word, though. As he snatches the soaped up washcloth for his own and works it in careful circles along Gatorās spine, his hands donāt wander too far. One does, however, come to rest on his hip, squeezing slightly as he drops kisses along his shoulders. ]
[ cute. gator smirks at that, allowing eddie to wash him gently. he's still unsure of so many things, but this feels good, so good that he melts into the touch. he's not used to it - being cared for, this kind of gentleness. it almost wants to make him flinch, almost wants to make him get dressed and storm out. that stab of anxiety threatens to pierce the veil of substance-induced haze. he closes his eyes, leaning his arms against the shower wall, silent. he's thinking, and thinking deeply, wondering what exactly would happen if his father found out. a barbaric man, a true bastard, a hard man for hard times.
gator respects his father, much more than anyone he has surrounding him. his devotion is buried deep within like bodies on the ranch. the fixing place. how many people has gator killed? just because his father said so? would he be next after this? his brows knit, and when eddie puts his hand on his hip - gator doesn't want it to feel so nice, but it does. enough for gator to try to catch his breath. he looks over his shoulder at eddie, tattooed arms still stretched out, water running over his eyelashes. it's a blur, but he can make out eddie, can make out the look on his face. this is bad.
gator turns, taking the washcloth and eddie's waist, both hands occupied. he leans and kisses eddie - really kisses him - mouth open and still choking on secrets. what if eddie found out about the deaths? would he be scared? would it matter? gator is the definition of bad, of the seed that grows rotten without tending. he's wild, an animal, his mind a trap of violence and rage. but in this moment, he kisses eddie with all he has. he bites his bottom lip, pulling it, sucking on the edge before he lets it go. ]
I gotta go.
[ leaning past eddie to turn off the water, they stare at each other, gator's eyes boring. he parts from eddie to open the curtain, then steps out, soaking. he grabs a threadbare towel, rubbing himself down. he has to get out of here, fucked up or not. he'll meander to the nearest gas station, pick up a six pack, then take it home to get closer to the darkness. holed up in his room, the cold of the night biting into him as he drinks alone. that's more like it. he glances at eddie, and there isn't true hatred in his gaze, but there's something keeping him from kissing him again. the need to flee, to retreat. ]
[ The fact of the matter is that Eddie has some idea of what heās gotten himself into. Though he may not know the whole of it, he still understands that the man heās dealing with is genuinely dangerous and at least capable of killing. Whether or not he actually has is unknown to him, but heās seen the storm brewing behind Gatorās eyes on more than one occasion, and heās often wondered if, or rather when he might be the next to find Gatorās hands around his throat.
Because Eddie has been known to poke the bear. Cops are easy to mess with, especially the specific breed of small town cop heās the most familiar with. The ones who will haul him downtown only to release him an hour later because they never find anything and fail to follow up on some pretty obvious leads. Gator isnāt that breed of cop. Heās something darker all together, but Eddie has still never been able to help himself, and the two of them managed to entwine themselves together long before this eveningās events. Eddie sells, Gator uses, and neither can out the other without sacrificing themself as well. Theyāve just twisted themselves more tightly together now, adding a second layer to this whole fucked up ordeal.
Eddie is quite certain heāll be able to untangle himself from Gator, though, if it should come to that. Heās sure heāll know when to pull back before he digs too deep of a hole for himself. Heās sure, and he can only hope that heās not wrong, because that kiss sets him on fire, more so than all the ones before it. Itās intense and leaves him wanting for more of something that he knows he canāt have right now. Itās enough to nearly makes him doubt his ability or desire to ever put an end to this. Fuck, this is bad, this is terrifying, actually, and that seed of doubt threatens to germinate once moreā
But they part, and just like that, their time is up, and worrying isnāt worth the effort. Eddie reaches for a towel to begin squeezing the water from his dripping hair, wraps the towel around his waist, and carefully slips by the other man to collect fresh clothing from his chaotic dragonās hoard of a bedroom. ]
Iām not stopping you, man.
[ And he doesnāt. He doesnāt try to reach for him, utters no word to slow him, and when they separate, he makes no move to close the space between them once more. He gets it. Gator has already stayed longer than intended. Any longer and it will look even more suspicious than it already does. They both know that this is how it needs to be.
He emerges moments later, right back in his typical band t-shirt uniform, and leans against the door frame to eye him, arms crossed and head tilted, expression unreadable despite the smile on his mouth. ]
[ entwine and untangle. gator knows that if push comes to shove, he'll haul eddie in, but that's never the case in stark county. roy allows eddie to sell just as he allows gator to use. not a single breath in this fucking county isn't accounted for by roy himself, including all the huffing and puffing they were doing on the couch not an hour ago.
it was good, gator knows that, and he also knows he'll be back for more of it. drugs, sex, rock and roll. the led zeppelin record is skipping in the living room, long since forgotten by both of them in their sex-induced shower. gator gazes at eddie before he slicks his hair back with his hands. he's still wet, but he'll be dry by the time he pulls up at the ranch. that's what matters here. ]
I ain't sayin' you are.
[ gator throws eddie a sarcastic smile, closed-lipped, before he reaches down for his clothes. he hitches his pants up moments later, gun on his thigh as he adjusts his belt. boots are on, ballcap's back on, and he looks good as new. the stink of sex has cleared out, nothing but remnants of weed and beer where a hard fuck happened. gator licks his lips, looking down at the couch, but he doesn't let himself get too far drawn into it. not here, not now. instead, he merely walks up to eddie and looks at him - really looks at him, right down his nose - before he backs off and lifts both hands. ]
Next time, burnout. Don't let me see your ass haulin' around or I'll ticket you.
[ opening the door to the trailer, gator steps out into the cold bite of the night. kevlar graces his chest as he turns toward the entrance, doorknob in his hand. he stares at eddie, then winks at him. ]
That bullshit better fuckin' stay down after this, alright, Munson? Don't make me come back out here tonight! You ain't gonna like it if I do!
[ and slam goes the door, gator walking back out into the night. ]
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no subject
With absolutely no regard for the mess between them, he slumps against Gator like a rag doll and just stays there for a moment, quiet as his heartbeat and breath match the pace of Gatorāsāone beat, two, three, fourā¦Itās the soft aftermath that pulls him back down to earth, the gentle touch on his spine so foreign from these particular hands that it slowly begins pulling on his tether, drawing him out of his stupor. Slowly, his raises his head, blinking in the dim light. ]
And here I was so eager to let everyone know Iām a cop fucker.
[ Thereās no heat to it, and he mumbles, deadpan, still coming out of his haze. He doesnāt particularly care about Tillman Sr. right now, even if he is significantly more intimidating than his son. Heās not here, and there were never any plans to utter a single word about this to anyone. Eddie doesnāt feel a lot of shame aboutā¦well, anything, to be perfectly honest, but heās not stupid. There are some things best kept quiet, and this is certainly one of them. ]
Donāt worry about it, ākay?
[ He brushes the askew hair back and kisses him once, impossibly sweet. ]
Iām not gonna say shit.
no subject
Cop fucker, yeah, you sure are.
[ a grin, a little bounce of his lap to make sure eddie knows he's still inside him. he's not mean, he's not cruel, he's simply existing at the arms of something he's feeling attracted to. it's a warmth, and he hates it just as much as he wants to burn himself against it. he should be feeling nausea and anxiety and regret and pain - but here he is, eddie munson on his lap, their naked bodies fitting so fucking perfectly. ]
I ain't gonna so long as -
[ they're kissing, and gator groans again, cupping eddie's face by his cheeks and mouthing at him. ]
- we just keep it a fuckin' secret. He ain't gotta know. This is just you and me. It ain't gotta make it around town.
[ gator stares at eddie, searching his eyes with his own. they're sharper now, more in-focus. he tilts his head, swallowing stiffly, then releases his gentle hold. he leans back against the cushions, hand on eddie's hip. they're still naked and entangled, but gator begins to feel the stickiness of it all. he winces, then gazes up at eddie with a slight pout. ]
Showerin' time.
no subject
[ Maybe itās just the afterglow and the fact that heās feeling satisfied and warm and content, maybe itās the fact that every kiss is painfully sweet and gentle and it takes everything for him to not just melt into each one, but he feels the need to soothe that worry. Maybe an anxious man just has the innate ability to recognize anxiety, no matter how deeply buried it may be. He murmurs against Gatorās mouth as they kiss, voice soft: ]
Heās not gonna know. No oneās gonna know. Iām not exactly in the business of oversharing, soā¦
[ His gaze is so open and so earnest that he couldnāt lie if he wanted to. Eddie is a lot of things, but heās not a snitch or an idiot, and he knows when to keep silent about something. No one else needs to know, it could be bad if anyone else did know, and therefore this will stay between the two of them. ]
But, uh, I suggest parking elsewhere next time. Pretty sure most noise complaint visits donāt take this long and we wouldnāt want to disappoint the neighbors when you donāt haul me out of here in cuffs, would we?
[ Heās loathe to leave the warmth of this moment, but it has to be done. With a sigh and a grimace, he finally pulls himself off of Gator, grumbling something about his inability to walk. He manages just fine, though, and vaguely gestures for Gator to follow as he slips into the tiny bathroom. Itās cramped and outdated, the same as the rest of the house, but itās enough to get the job done.
Eddie reaches into the shower and turns the knob all the way to the right to get the water running. Shitty pipes mean a short but frustrating wait for hot water, and Eddie takes the spare moment to peer into the mirror over the sink, brushing his hair to the side to gently press his fingertips to the dark scattering of bruises forming on his throat. Itās kind of impressive work, really, and heās not entirely sure how he plans on hiding it. He may have to lie and say he was in a particularly nasty fight. ]
Jesus Christ. Couldnāt have mauled me a bit more? Not sure I look enough like a dalmatian.
no subject
I could haul your ass outta here if it helps you feel better, but I ain't gonna.
[ eddie has fair points, and gator knows better. he shouldn't have parked outside, he shouldn't have stayed this long. he doesn't regret the sex, not at all, never would - but he feels a cold stone of worry flick around his insides. when eddie leads him to the shower, though, he wraps his arms around him from behind. he kisses the crook of his neck, strong and solid as he steps eddie into the water with him. it's warm, finally, and gator turns eddie toward him slowly. ]
This ain't gonna be nothin' but this.
[ he grasps eddie's cock in his hand, giving it a stroke. he takes it away, swallowing. he's tempted again, despite only fucking minutes ago. he breathes heavy, and he knows what he wants. he reaches past eddie to pick up a washcloth, then the soap. he looks into eddie's eyes, searching, before he lathers up the cloth and begins to wash his chest. ]
We can't do nothin' else, you got me? Just gonna be fuckin'.
[ eddie mentions the marks, and gator's eyes lighten up, that cruel streak hitting the waves. he runs his soapy fingers down one of them, caressing. he's admiring his violent work, though the violence came in the urge. he leans down, kissing eddie just slightly at the corner of his mouth. ]
Don't act like you don't want more, baby. I might leave one on your ass.
no subject
Heās grateful for the rush of warm water as he steps backward into it, grateful for the continued kisses that keep that high going just a little longer. He sighs, his eyelids fluttering shut as Gatorās hand falls on him and another wave of desire washes over him. Itās damn near impossible not to give in, but heās sore and exhausted and figures it would be in his best interest to exercise some level of self restraint. At least while he still has the ability to. ]
I really want to, man, butā¦Iām also pretty sure you just fucked out a piece of my soul and Iām really gonna need a lot longer than two minutes to recover from all that, soā¦
[ Theyāre already in terribly close quarters, but Eddie drifts closer still, the scent of soap on his tongue as he leans in to mouth at Gatorās jaw and snakes a hand between the two of the and drags his thin fingers along the length of Gatorās cock. Itās a light, meandering sort of touch, little more than a graze, more teasing than not, but he makes I known that he would go for a second round if he could. ]
But, uhā¦I get you. Absolutely.
[ And why should it ever be anything else? Eddie isnāt even sure he particularly likes this man, even if he has seen a couple unexpected flickers of humanity in him this evening. And even if he is unfairly handsome. It doesnāt change the fact that heās a cop, or the fact that he has a cruel streak a mile wide. No, he doesnāt foresee any possible risk of this becoming anything more than this fucked up little physical bond theyāve formed tonight. Wouldnāt that be a cold day in hell?
The sparkle in his eye and the smirk threatening to invade the softness of his features imply he has more to say, though, and when has he ever avoided a quip? ]
Just wondering if youāre telling me that for my sake or your own.
[ Another kiss, another touch, and a mumble against his skin: ]
But itās cool. Pretty sure Iāll survive.
no subject
Fuckin' tease.
[ a smirk stretches his mouth, and he grasps the washcloth, taking it to his chest next. he soaps himself up, leaning to give eddie another kiss. he doesn't feel any hatred in this moment - there is no resentment, no pain of the cold, no bitterness of the tillman boot. while that's mostly due to a great lay and substances, gator's docile behavior never lasts too long. at his base, he is an animal, grown angry and full of rage. he has the ranch to thank for that, as well as the edge of a father's knife. gator pulls eddie close and mouths at him, soap bubbling up between them. ]
Let me wash your back.
[ he parts from eddie enough to soap the washcloth up again, rolling it between his large palms. he doesn't know why his irritation at himself has come out as softness, but there they are, taking a shower after fucking on a flimsy couch. it's not the night gator expected, definitely up to this moment and what he guesses is beyond. the secret will have to remain that way, but he knows not to say a fucking word. gator's proclivities are known in whispers, but never full-on accusations. the truth of it is that he likes eddie enough to fuck him, but that doesn't mean he won't put on a show if push comes to shove via the law of the tillman land. ]
It's for both our fuckin' sakes. C'mere.
[ rolling the washcloth down eddie's spine, he strokes in circles. he has to leave after this, probably, to keep the temptation down. if he had it his way, they'd be up and down like this all night, but there are limits. he can't leave just yet, still a three-shades to the wind kind of situation, but he's not going to fuck eddie again. he can't. ]
Yeah... me too.
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Yeah well, excuse me for needing to retain some level of mobility below the waist in the morning. Donāt you need to think about getting going anyway?
[ Thereās no real urgency in his voice, and he certainly isnāt trying to speed him along. He knows that the effect of the substances havenāt quite worn off yet, and heās not particularly concerned about company showing up unannouncedānot when heās perfectly capable of ignoring any unwelcome knocking at the door, but the squad car parked outside and the thought of how long itās been there does stir a little anxiety, whether he thinks the neighbors will be able to work it out or not.
At another time, that flicker of anxiety might grow into more. Heās not a brave man; it would be so easy for him to grow flighty and scared and try to put an end to this right here and now, but that isnāt what happens. Lucky for both of them, that anxiety is immediately quashed beneath warm water and shockingly gentle hands working their way along his spine. ]
What a service.
[ He sighs, content in the softness of this moment despite knowing well that this wonāt last for long. Itās already gone on for far longer than expected, but heāll take what he can get while he can. It certainly makes him like Gator much more.
He twist in his arms to peer at him yet again, giving him a little nudge. ]
āKay. Turn around. Let me return the favor.
[ Literally you wash my back, Iāll wash yours. ]
no subject
Yeah, I do. I can't stay here all night, now can I?
[ no urgency, but gator gets it. the suv has been parked outside for quite a while at this point, and while people always whisper - gator clears his throat, trying to sober himself enough to not fuck any of this up. yeah, he came inside of the local criminal burnout, and it was so good he wants more, but he also knows the law of the land. he has to leave, maybe drive down to the quarry and sleep it off for a minute. anxiety rolls down his spine, but when eddie asks to return the favor, gator smirks again. ]
Try to keep your hands off my ass.
[ he turns, slow, reaching for one of the walls as he stands. he lowers his head, sopping hair falling against his face as he waits for it. the warmth, eddie's hands. he can't believe this is happening, not really, so he knows he'll have to keep eddie at arm's length. sex is sex, but emotions - gator doesn't get along with his on the best of days. this can't happen, and he knows it. working his body over isn't the same thing. it never will be. ]
I know that's a fuckin' temptation.
[ he's only half-joking. ]
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[ His tone and grin indicate a joke, but staying truly isnāt an option. It was never an option, and itās never going to be an option. Despite their alcohol and weed addled minds, they both seem to have arrived at the same conclusion about this situation. They both recognize the risks and the type of bad news it could spell if this little āā were found out by the wrong person. They donāt need to be feeling brave or taking chances here, and this doesnāt need to be a complicated situation.
But itās kind of already more complicated than Eddie is giving it credit for. If heād expected anything at all, it was a quick fuck-and-go, because thatās the type of behavior itās easy to associate with Gator Tillman. Never in a million years did he expect any form of aftercare, any tenderness or sweetness, let alone the two of them pressed close in a small shower washing one anotherās backs. Maybe he can thank the weed, but heās still not sure what to do with this information. Itās novel enough at the moment, but if it becomes a common occurrence, there may well come a time where, no matter what he says, Eddieās feelings could shift and he wonāt want him to leave. And thenā¦well, that would be an enormous problem for everyone involved.
For now, though? For now, thatās not even a seed of worry in the back of his mind. Itās fine. Itās a nice bonus, and it doesnāt have to mean anything because it doesnāt. ]
Tell me about it, man. But, uh, Iām a perfect angel, soā¦
[ He says as if he didnāt just prove himself the complete opposite only minutes ago. He does keep to his word, though. As he snatches the soaped up washcloth for his own and works it in careful circles along Gatorās spine, his hands donāt wander too far. One does, however, come to rest on his hip, squeezing slightly as he drops kisses along his shoulders. ]
See? Totally innocent.
no subject
gator respects his father, much more than anyone he has surrounding him. his devotion is buried deep within like bodies on the ranch. the fixing place. how many people has gator killed? just because his father said so? would he be next after this? his brows knit, and when eddie puts his hand on his hip - gator doesn't want it to feel so nice, but it does. enough for gator to try to catch his breath. he looks over his shoulder at eddie, tattooed arms still stretched out, water running over his eyelashes. it's a blur, but he can make out eddie, can make out the look on his face. this is bad.
gator turns, taking the washcloth and eddie's waist, both hands occupied. he leans and kisses eddie - really kisses him - mouth open and still choking on secrets. what if eddie found out about the deaths? would he be scared? would it matter? gator is the definition of bad, of the seed that grows rotten without tending. he's wild, an animal, his mind a trap of violence and rage. but in this moment, he kisses eddie with all he has. he bites his bottom lip, pulling it, sucking on the edge before he lets it go. ]
I gotta go.
[ leaning past eddie to turn off the water, they stare at each other, gator's eyes boring. he parts from eddie to open the curtain, then steps out, soaking. he grabs a threadbare towel, rubbing himself down. he has to get out of here, fucked up or not. he'll meander to the nearest gas station, pick up a six pack, then take it home to get closer to the darkness. holed up in his room, the cold of the night biting into him as he drinks alone. that's more like it. he glances at eddie, and there isn't true hatred in his gaze, but there's something keeping him from kissing him again. the need to flee, to retreat. ]
I think you know that.
no subject
Because Eddie has been known to poke the bear. Cops are easy to mess with, especially the specific breed of small town cop heās the most familiar with. The ones who will haul him downtown only to release him an hour later because they never find anything and fail to follow up on some pretty obvious leads. Gator isnāt that breed of cop. Heās something darker all together, but Eddie has still never been able to help himself, and the two of them managed to entwine themselves together long before this eveningās events. Eddie sells, Gator uses, and neither can out the other without sacrificing themself as well. Theyāve just twisted themselves more tightly together now, adding a second layer to this whole fucked up ordeal.
Eddie is quite certain heāll be able to untangle himself from Gator, though, if it should come to that. Heās sure heāll know when to pull back before he digs too deep of a hole for himself. Heās sure, and he can only hope that heās not wrong, because that kiss sets him on fire, more so than all the ones before it. Itās intense and leaves him wanting for more of something that he knows he canāt have right now. Itās enough to nearly makes him doubt his ability or desire to ever put an end to this. Fuck, this is bad, this is terrifying, actually, and that seed of doubt threatens to germinate once moreā
But they part, and just like that, their time is up, and worrying isnāt worth the effort. Eddie reaches for a towel to begin squeezing the water from his dripping hair, wraps the towel around his waist, and carefully slips by the other man to collect fresh clothing from his chaotic dragonās hoard of a bedroom. ]
Iām not stopping you, man.
[ And he doesnāt. He doesnāt try to reach for him, utters no word to slow him, and when they separate, he makes no move to close the space between them once more. He gets it. Gator has already stayed longer than intended. Any longer and it will look even more suspicious than it already does. They both know that this is how it needs to be.
He emerges moments later, right back in his typical band t-shirt uniform, and leans against the door frame to eye him, arms crossed and head tilted, expression unreadable despite the smile on his mouth. ]
Iāll see you next time, deputy.
no subject
it was good, gator knows that, and he also knows he'll be back for more of it. drugs, sex, rock and roll. the led zeppelin record is skipping in the living room, long since forgotten by both of them in their sex-induced shower. gator gazes at eddie before he slicks his hair back with his hands. he's still wet, but he'll be dry by the time he pulls up at the ranch. that's what matters here. ]
I ain't sayin' you are.
[ gator throws eddie a sarcastic smile, closed-lipped, before he reaches down for his clothes. he hitches his pants up moments later, gun on his thigh as he adjusts his belt. boots are on, ballcap's back on, and he looks good as new. the stink of sex has cleared out, nothing but remnants of weed and beer where a hard fuck happened. gator licks his lips, looking down at the couch, but he doesn't let himself get too far drawn into it. not here, not now. instead, he merely walks up to eddie and looks at him - really looks at him, right down his nose - before he backs off and lifts both hands. ]
Next time, burnout. Don't let me see your ass haulin' around or I'll ticket you.
[ opening the door to the trailer, gator steps out into the cold bite of the night. kevlar graces his chest as he turns toward the entrance, doorknob in his hand. he stares at eddie, then winks at him. ]
That bullshit better fuckin' stay down after this, alright, Munson? Don't make me come back out here tonight! You ain't gonna like it if I do!
[ and slam goes the door, gator walking back out into the night. ]