( eddie feels something rotten festering deep inside his gut. he deserves this, all of this mess that he has gotten himself into, and he knows it. he could have - should have - put a stop to one of them. the irony is that eddie knows if he had chosen, it would have been gator. but would gator have chosen him?
what he doesn't expect is for billy to put himself up on the chopping block, to offer himself up for gator so that neither of them has to be hauled off to jail. sure, it technically was billy who started the physical altercation, but eddie feels partially responsible. he can't let billy take the full brunt of gator's wrath, especially not when eddie feels like he owes him so much for going behind his back like this. )
Fuck, I will, too. We'll do whatever you want.
( eddie can't even look at billy, too ashamed. he can't look at gator, either, refusing to see whatever gloating expression is sure to be written all over his face. after this is over, eddie promises he will make this up to billy somehow. he doesn't know how yet, but he will. )
[ gator watches them both β pathetic, sniveling little bitches. the worst part is that gator probably wouldn't have known if it hadn't been for this lover's quarrel. whatever billy was beating into eddie obviously didn't work β they're both there, looking at each other, looking at the carpet. it's sad, the way they think they're each others, the way they think they can fuck gator on the side. his lips purse, smile gone, as another wave of nauseating jealousy springs forth in his mind, in his guts. he blinks to billy: i'll do whatever you want, until eddie offers himself up, too.
they might feel guilty, they might not. gator doesn't feel anything but rage, a thousand images of billy and eddie fucking running through his mind. his jaw tenses again, teeth gritting, before he pockets his vape and leans forward, elbows on his knees. his hands hang between his legs, and he looks to billy first. his eyes narrow, dark on bright, his anger settling into his bones. yeah, sure, he could beat billy until he's crying, sobbing, making a mess of blood and piss on the floor. he could, and billy would expect it.
he then turns to eddie β oh, his eddie. those eyes, the way his lips curve β billy has seen it, so what's real? how did it happen? he licks his lips, then places his gaze on the floor, considering. they've put themselves both up to be sacrificed to his altar, but that isn't enough. it just isn't. gator's head leans up, and he watches billy. he tilts his neck, then leans back against the sofa's cushions. he pats his lap, looking for billy to obey. he ignores eddie for the moment, knowing that his turn will come. ]
C'mere.
[ another pat, and he nods. his voice is calm β a tillman quality β his demeanor slow and without quick movements. that's how you hunt β keep the animal in the dark until it's time to strike. he learned that from his father, just as he learned everything else. this is what this situation needs β a firm hand, one that won't bend or break. his lips purse, and he wants billy to be subservient to his demand. ]
[ Billy doesn't want to jump at Gator's commands, not here, not in front of Eddie. One on one, that's their game, and Billy plays the part so damn well it scares him. Sometimes he just needs to hurt, and Gator takes a sick delight in giving it. They're both sick, and Billy didn't want to get Eddie involved in that, let him see that side of him: whimpering, obedient, pathetic.
How naive. How fucking naive. He wonders if Gator hits Eddie without him asking for it, can't stop seeing the fear, the hurt in those eyes. Even Gator's a better fuckin' boyfriend than he is, and it makes Billy want to tear himself apart. How fortunate that Gator will do some of the work for him.
I said c'mere. Billy pushes himself up to his feet, not looking at Eddie. He just can't do it. Closing the short distance between him and Gator, he straddles his lap, bright eyes staring into dark. Eddie's eyes are dark too, but they're different. Warm. Sweet.
He exhales, slow and shaky. Whatever it is he's about to receive, he deserves every last bit of it. ]
( eddie can only watch, horrified, as billy obeys. he knows gator inside and out, or he thought he did. eddie knows how much he oozes authority and demands respect. but he doesn't know the extent of how gator and billy are behind closed doors. eddie likes the pain gator has to offer, but there's something dark in gator's eyes that eddie doesn't like.
he knows better than to try to interfere. that's only going to make it worse for them both. so eddie sits idly by and simply observes. maybe if he...maybe if he lets it happen, gator will go easy on him. it's a foolish assumption, but it's all he can cling to now as he holds his breath and tries not to flinch while gator doles out his punishment. he remains quiet, a silent yet complacent bystander. whatever gator has in mind for billy, he quietly hopes that it's not too bad. )
[ once billy is in his lap, submissive, gator leans back onto the sofa cushions. he runs his hands up billy's chest, then wraps one of them around billy's throat. he thumbs his adam's apple slowly, gently, eyes looking up at billy from under thick lashes. he licks his bottom lip, adjusting his hips, bouncing billy once. the punishment should fit the crime β cheating, whispers behind his back of their love and dedication. at least, that's what he figures was happening. they probably fuck slow, looking into each other's eyes. gator wonders if that's what billy prefers, if he likes it tender, likes being complicit in the hurt that weighs down gator's heart.
again, the punishment should fit the crime.
he traces his thumb along billy's bottom lip, then nods, silently asking for him to part them and suck. his brows jump, indicating that billy should do it β and fast. it's not wise to keep gator waiting, and some part of billy must know that. while he's focused on billy, he speaks to eddie, who sits there, watching. it must be difficult for him, watching gator lean up to kiss billy's neck, to mouth at his skin with a short groan. ]
How do you do it?
[ it's a whisper against billy's throat, his thumb still at his mouth. he kisses up the side of his neck, biting gently here and there. when he gets to billy's jawline, he mouths at it, eyes on eddie. he winks, then goes back to the job at hand. he kisses the otherside of billy's jaw, head tilting. ]
[ Billy hates how much he still enjoys feeling Gator's hands on his body, how perfectly his hand seems to slot against his neck. Like a groove in a stone step where many feet have fallen, a ring that warps to the shape of its owner's finger. He's nothing like he pretended to be for Eddie, is he?
He grunts quietly, ears still ringing from the gunshot Gator fired into the ceiling, staring down at him as his thumb travels from his adam's apple, up to his jaw, his lip. The nod is all Billy needs to open his lips for him, let Gator's thumb press against his tongue.
It's tender, almost, compared to their usual trysts. Billy figures that's on purpose, to torment the both of them. He can't help but huff out a sigh through his nostrils as Gator's mouth finds his throat, kissing, groaning. It feels good, and he loathes himself for it, knowing it's to hurt Eddie. And yet, some selfish part of him wants him to hurt, in a way Billy can't inflict with his fists.
When Gator speaks, he's grateful, almost, that his mouth is busy, sucking wetly at Gator's thumb, rolling his tongue around it. Like it's his cock, like he's still begging to be a good girl for him, even now. Because that's who he is, isn't it? He likes to pretend like he's a big man, fuck Eddie into his mattress, bent in half underneath him. But that's not enough for him, because he needs this, the submission, the pain. To be subhuman, Gator's girl, his faggot, his toy.
Does he fuck you? Or do you fuck him? Billy just whimpers, closing his eyes. ]
( eddie has always had trouble with patience. even before falling in with gator, he's never been able to sit idly by while others are having fun. this...isn't fun, though. it leaves eddie squirming and wishing he could intervene. he doesn't think billy deserves this.
there's a feeling that slithers up eddie until it clenches his throat and makes his spit start tasting like bile. the tenderness gator chooses to use seems at odds with gator's intentions. it's like he knows this is how to hurt billy the most. and that doesn't sit well with eddie.
he has to sit on his hands so he doesn't do something stupid like reach out for billy and try to insert himself between them. somehow, he thinks that will just make this worse.
when gator asks how they do it, eddie tears his eyes away from gator, looking down at the floor. this is so stupid. they never even broached the topic of exclusivity, so why does he feel like shit for sleeping with both of them? especially when they were sleeping with each other behind his back? but he doesn't trust himself to speak up, not sure his voice would even be able to form words right now, so he sits and takes it, wishing more than anything that he could trade places just so billy didn't have to endure this right now. )
[ gator's eyes catch eddie sit on his hands. they narrow, but only slightly, like a predator hunting prey from across a field, across a lake. his namesake might have sharp teeth, but gator's are sharper β his kisses on billy's jaw working up to his mouth. he slips his thumb out, then sucks billy's saliva off of it slow. lips part, shiny-wet, before he kisses billy β it's vicious, bruising, passionate. he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, pulling, before it snaps back and he kisses him again. his hands crawl up billy's back, holding him close. then they part, and gator's panting slightly, leaning back against the cushions. ]
I didn't hear an answer.
[ he nods, waiting for billy to say it. he doesn't really want to know, as it doesn't matter, but gator feels the need to have the details, wants to know the pleasures they give and take. he doesn't feel good enough for either of them now, so why give them mercy? inching it out, little by little, the wounds deep and painful. that's the tillman way β punish, then forgive. but never, ever forget. he pouts at billy, eyes focused on his. he tilts his head. ]
You not gonna tell me? Alright, off. Maybe he will.
[ he flicks two fingers, indicating that billy should get off of his lap β now. he licks his lips, watching eddie now. he stares at him, but his coldness falters. he looks down quickly, and he has to admit that is what hurts the most. whatever he and eddie had β gator swallows, then closes his eyes for a moment. his jaw sets, then he opens his eyes slow, eyelashes flicking as he jerks his chin. ]
[ Billy had thought Eddie would be the one to say it. He's not usually one to hold back his words, and if you really get him going, that mouth can go a mile a minute. But he's dead silent, and Billy finds something bitter and angry building inside him again. So he tilts his head to give Gator better access to his neck, sighs at every kiss pressed to his skin. And when he finally pulls his thumb out of Billy's mouth to kiss him hard, Billy bites back, moaning.
I didn't hear an answer. Billy gives Eddie another chance to speak up, but they're both quiet. And besides that? He could really use a good fucking slap right now.
But Gator just waves him off, so Billy stands, taking a few steps back, watching. Something in Gator's face softens when he looks at Eddie, a crack in the armor, genuine hurt that Billy's never seen before. When he speaks, he doesn't know if he's twisting the knife in Eddie, in Gator, or in himself - maybe all three. ]
I fuck him. [ He turns his head to glance at Eddie. ] Usually I can't get him to shut the fuck up about takin' my dick, but I guess he's shy now that his boyfriend's here.
( there's a sour taste in eddie's mouth. he feels trapped with both gator and billy here. he wasn't sure what he was expecting. this was bound to happen eventually, the three of them coming together, colliding like asteroids being pulled by earth's gravity. when billy speaks up, eddie feels a wave of shame washing over him. he should have been the one to speak, but his throat is dry, and he fears that if he opens his mouth, only the most pitiful croak will slip out.
billy's last words, calling gator his boyfriend, spark a flash of something else, and he wants to lash out. but what good will that do? isn't that exactly what gator wants? to pit them against each other? )
Fuck off.
( it comes out like a snap, as if eddie is a feral animal ready to pounce. he might as well be, with the conflicting emotions boiling inside him. )
Yeah, he fucks me. Are you happy now? Did you get what you were looking for?
( he realizes he means it in more than one way. did gator get what he wanted from eddie? is it over now? to his horror, the thought causes him more panic than the initial worry of gator finding out did. )
[ and oh, it stings. eddie under billy, taking him, moaning β it's almost too much to take, gator's jaw setting as he listens to both eddie and billy speak. he can tell that they're both angry, but it's nowhere near how rage-filled gator is, so he leans back on the sofa, legs spread, vape out of his pocket as he drags on it, considering. he wants to hurt both of them, free fingers flexing against his knee, balling up, releasing. he would go for eddie's throat, most certainly, wrapping those fingers around his neck and killing him for this. it's passion, he knows it, the claim of mine, that he'd given eddie so many times. nothing hurts worse than that, and gator has to wonder, his mind going to dark places β he jumps to the conclusion that they're both each other's. he's not needed, and has he ever been? his lips purse, and he takes another drag, sour apple-scented smoke exiting his lips and nose. he glances at billy, and he can see his irritation.
he'd put his boot to billy's throat, stomping until he can't breathe β but that's another story altogether. billy takes gator's violence, craves it, so what is this? gentleness? making love? gator's nostrils flare, and he notes that eddie ignored his command. of course he did, the spine in him turning to steel. billy had caved immediately, but that's billy for you, gator supposes. under his thumb, under his heel. right now, however, gator still feels as if his presence here is hindering things, but he reckons that's revenge. his eyes, snake-like, turn to billy, and he tilts his head. ]
I should kill both of you.
[ the words come out slow, as if they don't belong to him. tinny and odd, a detuned, scratchy bit of static in his mind. he can hear the soundwaves echo in the trailer, his quietness indicating real, genuine hurt. instead of hurting himself worse, gator pockets his vape and stands. he looks down at both of them, hands on his hips. his eyes wander from billy to gator, and there it is. softness, pain. his fingers flex again as they drop to his sides, but he's beyond this now. it's time for words β real violence, sharp and painful and bleeding. gator stands up straight, then adjusts his baseball cap, lowering it. ]
I'll leave you to it. Either of you bitches call me again, and you'll catch a bullet. Do you understand? You come near me β
[ he leans down in front of both of them on his haunches, teeth bared, angry and full of blooming, seething rage. he blinks downward, eyes on the threadbare carpet, then his eyelashes flick back upward. he lifts his finger, elbow on his knee, in the direction of billy. his eyes narrow, impossibly dark and so mean. he doesn't beckon him β this is merely his turn. ]
I'll kill you first β
[ he then turns to eddie, pointing the same way, and there it is β the chink in the armor. his jaw sets again, and he decides that he's going to twist the knife in, to watch eddie bleed out and spill all over the floor. it's only fair, isn't it? ]
β and make you watch. Do you understand?
[ i loved both of you wants to slip from his mouth, but instead, venom bubbles up and spits. the glob falls to the floor, then he stands, approaching billy and snatching him back by the hair. he looks into his eyes, tilting his head, studying, observing. ]
I could've loved you. Do you understand that shit? Fuckin' throwin' me away?
[ he lets go, then turns to eddie, and there's disappointment in his eyes. violence works through his skin, the ache to cause pain. ]
You know what love is, Eddie?
[ it's what i had for you. he rears back, but he stops himself, hand in the air. his breath becomes ragged, and he stares down at eddie with wild, violent eyes, but he lowers his hand, it collapsing at his side. with that, he turns on his heel, walking toward the door. he looks over his shoulder, not directly at them, but close enough. he steps on the broken door. ]
[ Fuck off. Oh, now Eddie has something to fucking say? Billy sneers. ]
Would that I could, sweetheart.
[ His gaze returns back to Gator, and he can see the rage building in him, the way he's trying to control it, trying to hold back. Billy knows the feeling well, and it only serves as a reminder of how he'd failed. Even Gator can hold back when he wants to, but Billy? He'd lashed out at Eddie so quickly. He's an animal, a danger to everyone around him. No wonder Eddie had gone looking elsewhere.
I should kill both of you, Gator says, and it makes Billy laugh. Because should means he won't. He won't even hit him - probably because he knows that's what Billy wants. It's what makes sense to him.
He shakes his head, sniffing hard. If Gator doesn't want him around? Fine. Eddie sure as shit won't either. Maybe this is it, a sign to finally get the fuck out of dodge, skip town and figure out how he'll afford the rest later. He's been here too long and it's brought him nothing but pain.
Billy doesn't say anything, not until Gator yanks him by his hair, forcing him to gaze into those dark eyes. His own are puffy and red, only making the blue stand out that much more. His nostrils flare, and he clenches his jaw. I could've loved you. Yeah, he could've. But he didn't. ]
Yes sir.
[ What else is there to say? What they have - what they had - it was never going to be love. He goes to Gator to hurt, to bleed, to be broken - to think that leads to love is for fools. He's watched his father do it - break women, bit by bit, until they're obedient. He was never going to be good enough to be anything but another bitch on a chain.
It doesn't matter anymore. He's not even good enough for that anymore. Billy curls his hands into fists, watching as Gator speaks to Eddie next, the way he rears back to hit him - and despite it all, he feels the urge to lunge forward, to get between the two of them. You can hit me, but don't you fucking dare hurt him. God, it's sick. He's sick. He needs to get out now, drive until he can't keep his eyes open, something. ]
( it doesn't take long for panic to set in. it's almost like eddie's entire world is crumbling apart, all because, what, he had been played by both gator and billy? well, that's not entirely true because he has been with both of them multiple times.
love. is that what he felt for either man? he thinks it could have been.
he's in too deep, and he knows it. maybe it's for the best that things end before eddie gets irrevocably hurt. as if he isn't already hurtling toward that point. )
Guess so.
( he sounds resigned, tired, empty inside. part of him wants to fight for this, but what's even worth fighting for? if eddie weren't in the picture, what would billy and gator be? they don't need him, despite whatever gator claims about love.
when gator looks like he's about to hit eddie, eddie flinches. maybe the pain would be better than whatever this is he feels. he retreats further into the trailer, collapsing onto the couch, and waits, arms folded across his chest. fuck this shit. what he needs now is to get incredibly high and forget. maybe if he gets high enough, all of this will feel like nothing short of a blurry memory. )
That's it, then, huh?
( he can't stop himself before the words start spilling out. )
Fine. Nice knowing you both. Good luck finding someone else to get your weed from now, 'cause it sure as hell ain't gonna be from me.
( is he testing his luck? probably. but both of them know how mouthy he can be, and if they are going to do this, to really end this, he wants to make sure there are no loose ends they can tug on. )
[ good luck finding someone else to get your weed from now, 'cause it sure as hell ain't gonna be from me. that causes gator to pause, still standing on the door as his fingers twitch toward his thigh holster. he turns his head, chin to shoulder, but he doesn't look at eddie.
he merely hears him collapse into a heap, mouth running off in a way gator hasn't heard before. it's comical, so gator laughs. it's low at first, a huff of derisive air, before he lets out a full belly-laugh, stepping back off of the door and resting his hand over his chest. he laughs at eddie, mocking, then turns to billy, laughing at him, too. it's as if this is all some kind of joke, as if he's been pranking the both of them - but nothing could be further from the truth.
after his laugh dwindles into nothing but amused noises, gator then pulls his gun casually. he points at eddie with it, then billy, tears in his eyes from laughing too much. they actually think they'll be protected now? dealing weed, speeding around town, the both of them having too much carte-fucking-blanche. gator pulls back the hammer with a dull click, then points the gun upward. he doesn't know who he'll shoot first - but he has to make his baseline clear. ]
You fuckin' shitheels think you're gonna still be protected? You lost that fuckin' privilege. Y'see -
[ the gun goes off, a loud bang! to wake them both up. to shock them. to jolt them from their defiant comfort. pink mist erupts from the ceiling again, insulation falling, fiberglass like dust. gator grins, then points the gun at billy first: ]
I bet there's weed in here right now, ain't there, possession with intent to sell? And you -
[ over to eddie, the gun's barrel aimed at his chest. gator cocks back the hammer again, and it doesn't matter that he loved them. it doesn't matter that he once thought he would be happy. what matters now is punishment. the more severe, the better. ]
Possession with an attempt to sell, oh, resisting arrest -
[ another laugh, and gator flicks the word sheriff across his chest with his free thumb and forefinger. ]
Oh, you're both fuckin' going to jail unless you do somethin' for me.
[ Billy is trying his very hardest to stand firm, to not fall right back to pieces on the floor. There's so much rage in him it's hard to even stay still, but lashing out at Eddie is what got him here, and lashing out at Gator will put him in the ground. So he shivers at Gator's laughter, but stays planted where he stands.
He doesn't care about being protected. He's leaving and never turning back, never wants to see either of their stupid fucking faces ever again, both those pairs of big brown eyes that'll haunt him forever, wondering, what if? What if he he hadn't fucked all of this up? Gator -- Gator's fucked up, worse than he is, he thinks. Billy's pretty sure that's why he's so drawn to him. Being with him is punishing. But Eddie -- Eddie's sweet. Too sweet for either of them. And it's really starting to hit Billy just how much he really did like him.
He flinches hard as Gator fires his gun again, clenching his jaw. It's hard to look like he doesn't care about any of this when he's trembling, staring Gator down as he points his pistol at him. It'd be so easy for Gator to end this now. Blow his brains out, hide the evidence - his family would probably see his disappearance as a long overdue blessing.
As the Glock goes from being aimed at him to at Eddie, Billy feels faint. Sick to his stomach, too, guts tying themselves in knots. His palms are clammy, hands shaking at his sides, and it doesn't surprise him in the slightest that Gator's holding a threat over both of their heads. It's always been a power play with him - that's what gets him off. It's no wonder he's been fucking a couple of misfits who have trouble staying on the right side of the law. He swallows, and his voice feels so quiet under the ringing in his ears. ]
Name it, then. I'll do it.
[ And then neither of them will ever see or hear from him ever again. He'll leave them both behind just like the rest of this good for nothing town. It's a shame he didn't a lot sooner. ]
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no subject
what he doesn't expect is for billy to put himself up on the chopping block, to offer himself up for gator so that neither of them has to be hauled off to jail. sure, it technically was billy who started the physical altercation, but eddie feels partially responsible. he can't let billy take the full brunt of gator's wrath, especially not when eddie feels like he owes him so much for going behind his back like this. )
Fuck, I will, too. We'll do whatever you want.
( eddie can't even look at billy, too ashamed. he can't look at gator, either, refusing to see whatever gloating expression is sure to be written all over his face. after this is over, eddie promises he will make this up to billy somehow. he doesn't know how yet, but he will. )
no subject
they might feel guilty, they might not. gator doesn't feel anything but rage, a thousand images of billy and eddie fucking running through his mind. his jaw tenses again, teeth gritting, before he pockets his vape and leans forward, elbows on his knees. his hands hang between his legs, and he looks to billy first. his eyes narrow, dark on bright, his anger settling into his bones. yeah, sure, he could beat billy until he's crying, sobbing, making a mess of blood and piss on the floor. he could, and billy would expect it.
he then turns to eddie β oh, his eddie. those eyes, the way his lips curve β billy has seen it, so what's real? how did it happen? he licks his lips, then places his gaze on the floor, considering. they've put themselves both up to be sacrificed to his altar, but that isn't enough. it just isn't. gator's head leans up, and he watches billy. he tilts his neck, then leans back against the sofa's cushions. he pats his lap, looking for billy to obey. he ignores eddie for the moment, knowing that his turn will come. ]
C'mere.
[ another pat, and he nods. his voice is calm β a tillman quality β his demeanor slow and without quick movements. that's how you hunt β keep the animal in the dark until it's time to strike. he learned that from his father, just as he learned everything else. this is what this situation needs β a firm hand, one that won't bend or break. his lips purse, and he wants billy to be subservient to his demand. ]
I said c'mere.
no subject
How naive. How fucking naive. He wonders if Gator hits Eddie without him asking for it, can't stop seeing the fear, the hurt in those eyes. Even Gator's a better fuckin' boyfriend than he is, and it makes Billy want to tear himself apart. How fortunate that Gator will do some of the work for him.
I said c'mere. Billy pushes himself up to his feet, not looking at Eddie. He just can't do it. Closing the short distance between him and Gator, he straddles his lap, bright eyes staring into dark. Eddie's eyes are dark too, but they're different. Warm. Sweet.
He exhales, slow and shaky. Whatever it is he's about to receive, he deserves every last bit of it. ]
no subject
he knows better than to try to interfere. that's only going to make it worse for them both. so eddie sits idly by and simply observes. maybe if he...maybe if he lets it happen, gator will go easy on him. it's a foolish assumption, but it's all he can cling to now as he holds his breath and tries not to flinch while gator doles out his punishment. he remains quiet, a silent yet complacent bystander. whatever gator has in mind for billy, he quietly hopes that it's not too bad. )
no subject
again, the punishment should fit the crime.
he traces his thumb along billy's bottom lip, then nods, silently asking for him to part them and suck. his brows jump, indicating that billy should do it β and fast. it's not wise to keep gator waiting, and some part of billy must know that. while he's focused on billy, he speaks to eddie, who sits there, watching. it must be difficult for him, watching gator lean up to kiss billy's neck, to mouth at his skin with a short groan. ]
How do you do it?
[ it's a whisper against billy's throat, his thumb still at his mouth. he kisses up the side of his neck, biting gently here and there. when he gets to billy's jawline, he mouths at it, eyes on eddie. he winks, then goes back to the job at hand. he kisses the otherside of billy's jaw, head tilting. ]
Does he fuck you? Or do you fuck him?
no subject
He grunts quietly, ears still ringing from the gunshot Gator fired into the ceiling, staring down at him as his thumb travels from his adam's apple, up to his jaw, his lip. The nod is all Billy needs to open his lips for him, let Gator's thumb press against his tongue.
It's tender, almost, compared to their usual trysts. Billy figures that's on purpose, to torment the both of them. He can't help but huff out a sigh through his nostrils as Gator's mouth finds his throat, kissing, groaning. It feels good, and he loathes himself for it, knowing it's to hurt Eddie. And yet, some selfish part of him wants him to hurt, in a way Billy can't inflict with his fists.
When Gator speaks, he's grateful, almost, that his mouth is busy, sucking wetly at Gator's thumb, rolling his tongue around it. Like it's his cock, like he's still begging to be a good girl for him, even now. Because that's who he is, isn't it? He likes to pretend like he's a big man, fuck Eddie into his mattress, bent in half underneath him. But that's not enough for him, because he needs this, the submission, the pain. To be subhuman, Gator's girl, his faggot, his toy.
Does he fuck you? Or do you fuck him? Billy just whimpers, closing his eyes. ]
no subject
there's a feeling that slithers up eddie until it clenches his throat and makes his spit start tasting like bile. the tenderness gator chooses to use seems at odds with gator's intentions. it's like he knows this is how to hurt billy the most. and that doesn't sit well with eddie.
he has to sit on his hands so he doesn't do something stupid like reach out for billy and try to insert himself between them. somehow, he thinks that will just make this worse.
when gator asks how they do it, eddie tears his eyes away from gator, looking down at the floor. this is so stupid. they never even broached the topic of exclusivity, so why does he feel like shit for sleeping with both of them? especially when they were sleeping with each other behind his back? but he doesn't trust himself to speak up, not sure his voice would even be able to form words right now, so he sits and takes it, wishing more than anything that he could trade places just so billy didn't have to endure this right now. )
no subject
I didn't hear an answer.
[ he nods, waiting for billy to say it. he doesn't really want to know, as it doesn't matter, but gator feels the need to have the details, wants to know the pleasures they give and take. he doesn't feel good enough for either of them now, so why give them mercy? inching it out, little by little, the wounds deep and painful. that's the tillman way β punish, then forgive. but never, ever forget. he pouts at billy, eyes focused on his. he tilts his head. ]
You not gonna tell me? Alright, off. Maybe he will.
[ he flicks two fingers, indicating that billy should get off of his lap β now. he licks his lips, watching eddie now. he stares at him, but his coldness falters. he looks down quickly, and he has to admit that is what hurts the most. whatever he and eddie had β gator swallows, then closes his eyes for a moment. his jaw sets, then he opens his eyes slow, eyelashes flicking as he jerks his chin. ]
C'mere.
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I didn't hear an answer. Billy gives Eddie another chance to speak up, but they're both quiet. And besides that? He could really use a good fucking slap right now.
But Gator just waves him off, so Billy stands, taking a few steps back, watching. Something in Gator's face softens when he looks at Eddie, a crack in the armor, genuine hurt that Billy's never seen before. When he speaks, he doesn't know if he's twisting the knife in Eddie, in Gator, or in himself - maybe all three. ]
I fuck him. [ He turns his head to glance at Eddie. ] Usually I can't get him to shut the fuck up about takin' my dick, but I guess he's shy now that his boyfriend's here.
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billy's last words, calling gator his boyfriend, spark a flash of something else, and he wants to lash out. but what good will that do? isn't that exactly what gator wants? to pit them against each other? )
Fuck off.
( it comes out like a snap, as if eddie is a feral animal ready to pounce. he might as well be, with the conflicting emotions boiling inside him. )
Yeah, he fucks me. Are you happy now? Did you get what you were looking for?
( he realizes he means it in more than one way. did gator get what he wanted from eddie? is it over now? to his horror, the thought causes him more panic than the initial worry of gator finding out did. )
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he'd put his boot to billy's throat, stomping until he can't breathe β but that's another story altogether. billy takes gator's violence, craves it, so what is this? gentleness? making love? gator's nostrils flare, and he notes that eddie ignored his command. of course he did, the spine in him turning to steel. billy had caved immediately, but that's billy for you, gator supposes. under his thumb, under his heel. right now, however, gator still feels as if his presence here is hindering things, but he reckons that's revenge. his eyes, snake-like, turn to billy, and he tilts his head. ]
I should kill both of you.
[ the words come out slow, as if they don't belong to him. tinny and odd, a detuned, scratchy bit of static in his mind. he can hear the soundwaves echo in the trailer, his quietness indicating real, genuine hurt. instead of hurting himself worse, gator pockets his vape and stands. he looks down at both of them, hands on his hips. his eyes wander from billy to gator, and there it is. softness, pain. his fingers flex again as they drop to his sides, but he's beyond this now. it's time for words β real violence, sharp and painful and bleeding. gator stands up straight, then adjusts his baseball cap, lowering it. ]
I'll leave you to it. Either of you bitches call me again, and you'll catch a bullet. Do you understand? You come near me β
[ he leans down in front of both of them on his haunches, teeth bared, angry and full of blooming, seething rage. he blinks downward, eyes on the threadbare carpet, then his eyelashes flick back upward. he lifts his finger, elbow on his knee, in the direction of billy. his eyes narrow, impossibly dark and so mean. he doesn't beckon him β this is merely his turn. ]
I'll kill you first β
[ he then turns to eddie, pointing the same way, and there it is β the chink in the armor. his jaw sets again, and he decides that he's going to twist the knife in, to watch eddie bleed out and spill all over the floor. it's only fair, isn't it? ]
β and make you watch. Do you understand?
[ i loved both of you wants to slip from his mouth, but instead, venom bubbles up and spits. the glob falls to the floor, then he stands, approaching billy and snatching him back by the hair. he looks into his eyes, tilting his head, studying, observing. ]
I could've loved you. Do you understand that shit? Fuckin' throwin' me away?
[ he lets go, then turns to eddie, and there's disappointment in his eyes. violence works through his skin, the ache to cause pain. ]
You know what love is, Eddie?
[ it's what i had for you. he rears back, but he stops himself, hand in the air. his breath becomes ragged, and he stares down at eddie with wild, violent eyes, but he lowers his hand, it collapsing at his side. with that, he turns on his heel, walking toward the door. he looks over his shoulder, not directly at them, but close enough. he steps on the broken door. ]
You lost it.
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Would that I could, sweetheart.
[ His gaze returns back to Gator, and he can see the rage building in him, the way he's trying to control it, trying to hold back. Billy knows the feeling well, and it only serves as a reminder of how he'd failed. Even Gator can hold back when he wants to, but Billy? He'd lashed out at Eddie so quickly. He's an animal, a danger to everyone around him. No wonder Eddie had gone looking elsewhere.
I should kill both of you, Gator says, and it makes Billy laugh. Because should means he won't. He won't even hit him - probably because he knows that's what Billy wants. It's what makes sense to him.
He shakes his head, sniffing hard. If Gator doesn't want him around? Fine. Eddie sure as shit won't either. Maybe this is it, a sign to finally get the fuck out of dodge, skip town and figure out how he'll afford the rest later. He's been here too long and it's brought him nothing but pain.
Billy doesn't say anything, not until Gator yanks him by his hair, forcing him to gaze into those dark eyes. His own are puffy and red, only making the blue stand out that much more. His nostrils flare, and he clenches his jaw. I could've loved you. Yeah, he could've. But he didn't. ]
Yes sir.
[ What else is there to say? What they have - what they had - it was never going to be love. He goes to Gator to hurt, to bleed, to be broken - to think that leads to love is for fools. He's watched his father do it - break women, bit by bit, until they're obedient. He was never going to be good enough to be anything but another bitch on a chain.
It doesn't matter anymore. He's not even good enough for that anymore. Billy curls his hands into fists, watching as Gator speaks to Eddie next, the way he rears back to hit him - and despite it all, he feels the urge to lunge forward, to get between the two of them. You can hit me, but don't you fucking dare hurt him. God, it's sick. He's sick. He needs to get out now, drive until he can't keep his eyes open, something. ]
Are we done here?
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love. is that what he felt for either man? he thinks it could have been.
he's in too deep, and he knows it. maybe it's for the best that things end before eddie gets irrevocably hurt. as if he isn't already hurtling toward that point. )
Guess so.
( he sounds resigned, tired, empty inside. part of him wants to fight for this, but what's even worth fighting for? if eddie weren't in the picture, what would billy and gator be? they don't need him, despite whatever gator claims about love.
when gator looks like he's about to hit eddie, eddie flinches. maybe the pain would be better than whatever this is he feels. he retreats further into the trailer, collapsing onto the couch, and waits, arms folded across his chest. fuck this shit. what he needs now is to get incredibly high and forget. maybe if he gets high enough, all of this will feel like nothing short of a blurry memory. )
That's it, then, huh?
( he can't stop himself before the words start spilling out. )
Fine. Nice knowing you both. Good luck finding someone else to get your weed from now, 'cause it sure as hell ain't gonna be from me.
( is he testing his luck? probably. but both of them know how mouthy he can be, and if they are going to do this, to really end this, he wants to make sure there are no loose ends they can tug on. )
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he merely hears him collapse into a heap, mouth running off in a way gator hasn't heard before. it's comical, so gator laughs. it's low at first, a huff of derisive air, before he lets out a full belly-laugh, stepping back off of the door and resting his hand over his chest. he laughs at eddie, mocking, then turns to billy, laughing at him, too. it's as if this is all some kind of joke, as if he's been pranking the both of them - but nothing could be further from the truth.
after his laugh dwindles into nothing but amused noises, gator then pulls his gun casually. he points at eddie with it, then billy, tears in his eyes from laughing too much. they actually think they'll be protected now? dealing weed, speeding around town, the both of them having too much carte-fucking-blanche. gator pulls back the hammer with a dull click, then points the gun upward. he doesn't know who he'll shoot first - but he has to make his baseline clear. ]
You fuckin' shitheels think you're gonna still be protected? You lost that fuckin' privilege. Y'see -
[ the gun goes off, a loud bang! to wake them both up. to shock them. to jolt them from their defiant comfort. pink mist erupts from the ceiling again, insulation falling, fiberglass like dust. gator grins, then points the gun at billy first: ]
I bet there's weed in here right now, ain't there, possession with intent to sell? And you -
[ over to eddie, the gun's barrel aimed at his chest. gator cocks back the hammer again, and it doesn't matter that he loved them. it doesn't matter that he once thought he would be happy. what matters now is punishment. the more severe, the better. ]
Possession with an attempt to sell, oh, resisting arrest -
[ another laugh, and gator flicks the word sheriff across his chest with his free thumb and forefinger. ]
Oh, you're both fuckin' going to jail unless you do somethin' for me.
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He doesn't care about being protected. He's leaving and never turning back, never wants to see either of their stupid fucking faces ever again, both those pairs of big brown eyes that'll haunt him forever, wondering, what if? What if he he hadn't fucked all of this up? Gator -- Gator's fucked up, worse than he is, he thinks. Billy's pretty sure that's why he's so drawn to him. Being with him is punishing. But Eddie -- Eddie's sweet. Too sweet for either of them. And it's really starting to hit Billy just how much he really did like him.
He flinches hard as Gator fires his gun again, clenching his jaw. It's hard to look like he doesn't care about any of this when he's trembling, staring Gator down as he points his pistol at him. It'd be so easy for Gator to end this now. Blow his brains out, hide the evidence - his family would probably see his disappearance as a long overdue blessing.
As the Glock goes from being aimed at him to at Eddie, Billy feels faint. Sick to his stomach, too, guts tying themselves in knots. His palms are clammy, hands shaking at his sides, and it doesn't surprise him in the slightest that Gator's holding a threat over both of their heads. It's always been a power play with him - that's what gets him off. It's no wonder he's been fucking a couple of misfits who have trouble staying on the right side of the law. He swallows, and his voice feels so quiet under the ringing in his ears. ]
Name it, then. I'll do it.
[ And then neither of them will ever see or hear from him ever again. He'll leave them both behind just like the rest of this good for nothing town. It's a shame he didn't a lot sooner. ]