[ It's wrong, so wrong, and Billy knows it. He's too fucked up to want something normal from this, and Gator's fucked up enough to give it to him, again and again. He'd been stupid to push him away before when this is who he is, this is who they are. Sick and broken, letting it fester and grow.
His head hangs down, forehead pressed against his arms as he listens to Gator stroking himself, his spit the only mercy Billy will get tonight. He wants it that way, because this should be punishing. He'd welcomed Gator back in with open arms, and he deserves to be shown what that means. His fingers press into him, just a little. Billy whines, wriggling his hips, and then they're gone.
They're quickly replaced with Gator's cock, pushing into him deep and forcing him open. Billy cries out under him, knows the pain would be too much to bear sober, but even now it's making him tremble. Gator's pace is immediately brutal, grunting with the force of each thrust, and Billy whimpers as tears spring to his eyes once again. But he doesn't want him to stop, not for a fucking second. ]
It hurts. [ His voice is cracking, whiny. ] Fuck, it hurts.
[ And yet he's moaning for it like a bitch in heat, muscles tensing involuntarily every time Gator pounds against his spot. Billy doesn't think he can come when he's this far gone, but he doesn't care. This is its own reward just as much as it is a punishment. He arches his back, groaning, drooling. ]
Needed this. [ He pants, struggling through the words as tears fall from his eyes. ] I'm - a sick fuckin' faggot.
[ this was never about sex, not really. it was about power - or, rather, the abuse of power. it's about making billy bend the knee, making him cry and shiver and shake at gator's feet. he's billy's only reason to live now, and that makes gator grunt harder as he fucks billy into the carpet. he wraps his free hand around billy's throat, the other still splayed against his abdomen. he squeezes - another groan escaping as he thrusts harder, driving deeper.
billy's a pretty thing, and if that makes gator a fucking faggot, though he knows he's isn't - so be it. he likes fucking him, likes making him his own. horrible, violent thoughts. sexual pain. hurt and tension and suffering. that's what this is about, what it all boils down to into nothing. gator knows he's wrong, but his body wins, the feeling incredible as he hears billy cry. ]
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm sick, huh? Is that what you like?
[ gator knows that billy isn't getting much pleasure out of this, but when gator slams into him, the build up growing within him, he squeezes harder. he's seeing stars, brutal and red and bleeding, before he throws his head back and comes. his back stiffens, a low groan issuing, come freely leaking from the head of his cock and into billy. he rides out his orgasm, the wet noise of his cock fucking more come into billy's ass turning him on, making him bite his lip until a prick of blood stains his teeth. ]
[ Gator's hand closes around his throat and squeezes, and for a moment Billy feels like he could pass out right there under him, whimpering as he manages to fuck into him even deeper. He'll be feeling this for days at minimum, a painful reminder that this is what he's living for, this is who he really is, under all that bravado and attitude. He's just a toy. Not even a beloved one, kept close, but the one you leave in the dirt, forget out in the rain until it's time to play again.
Billy chokes out another sob as Gator speaks, nodding as best he can with his hand still wrapped around his throat. ]
Uh huh. F-Fuckin' -- love it.
[ Gator squeezes harder, and Billy feels faint, doesn't know if he can hold himself up much longer, thighs shaking. He wonders if Gator would keep going if he did pass out on him, but he hangs on. The least he can do is take it like a fuckin' man even if he isn't one, not really.
He can't decide if he's relieved or disappointed when Gator starts to come, hot and deep, seemingly endless. If nothing else it makes him wetter, moaning as Gator fucks him through it, milking every last bit of pleasure he can from Billy's body. But he knows when it's over and Gator leaves, his mood will only drop that much more. He doubts he'll even make it to his bedroom before he crashes, though. ]
[ gator releases billy's throat, pushing him forward into the carpet and off of his knees. he then leans over him, kissing the back of his neck, hair falling across his brow as he mouths at the area between billy's shoulder and the side of his throat. he doesn't know why he's suddenly affectionate - call it post-load clarity, call it a reminder that he can be gentle, but gator kisses billy's shoulder, then bites it playfully. he climbs off of him, spent, covered in his own come. his lip bleeds, the blood on billy's neck and shoulder, and he wipes it from his mouth with the back of his hand. he spits a bit onto the carpet - a stain, something billy can remember him by.
he hitches up his pants only so far, then walks to the bathroom to clean up. it doesn't take long, a wet towel and a rubdown, before he strides back into the living room, throwing the towel near billy's head. he works his pants up all the way, then buckles and zips. sitting on the sofa, gator pulls out his vape, taking a long drag. he tilts his head, watching billy on the floor, sweatpants still pulled down - a dripping mess from his ass of come and flecks of blood. he purses his lips. ]
You gonna lay there all night?
[ it's cruel, mean, but isn't that what billy wants? gator's eyes narrow as he drags again, then he pats the seat next to him on the sofa. his fingers curl, scratching it with his stubby nails, beckoning billy to come to him like some sort of animal. he licks his bottom lip, chin jutting at him with a nod. ]
Come here.
[ it's deranged, how much this works for gator, how much it seems to work for billy. they've become pain and pleasure, hate and lust, love and loss. they are beyond what each other needs, beyond what the other can take. there's a twisted part of gator that does love billy - all of his needs are met, all of his pain is sated - as the idea of losing him drives him to madness, but most everything about billy does. ]
[ Billy gasps for breath, letting himself collapse onto the carpet under Gator. He doesn't expect to feel his lips against his neck, soft, making Billy sigh at the stark contrast. Every other part of him is aching, having begged to be broken by him once again, but this - maybe he's just drunk, but this must mean something too. He groans as teeth nip his shoulder, but then Gator pulls away, up and out of him, the sensation making his stomach turn.
He lies there, dazed and trying to collect his mess of half-baked thoughts into something that makes sense. He wants Gator, that much is obvious, but has this convinced him to keep coming back after Billy shoved him away the last time? His thoughts drift to their last encounter, tears in Gator's eyes as he'd pushed him up against the wall.
And then a wet towel lands near his head, brought back to the present by Gator's voice above him. Billy pushes himself up to his hands and knees, grabbing the towel so he can clean himself up. He winces a little as he swipes at his hole, sore and dripping, well aware of how it'll only feel worse later when he's hungover. He takes his time cleaning the mess from his thighs, his balance unsteady.
Gator's calling to him like a dog, and Billy knows that's all he is, an animal. By the time he repeats it, Billy's getting to his feet, tucking himself into his sweatpants. The towel is abandoned on the side table, a problem for later, and he climbs onto the sofa next to him, tucking his legs under himself. It's bad, Billy thinks, how badly he wants to reach out for more contact, to be held, kissed, pet.
Like a dog. He chuckles under his breath. ]
Needed that. [ He sniffs, meeting Gator's eyes. ] Thanks.
[ gator watches billy clean himself, the come from his thighs. he licks his bottom lip, then takes another drag from the vape. he blows the smoke upward, and as billy comes to him - like an animal, like one that's been kicked and requires positive attention - gator pats his lap. he then nods at him, making sure he gets the message: come closer. he places the vape on the side table, then turns back to billy eyebrows jumping, expectant.
needed that. gator nods again, this time in understanding. what's going on here is wrong, but the both of them only understand one thing: pain. it grows between them like wildflowers, stomped and torn apart under gator's boots. they are the thorns, creeping and crawling like vines around the very core of them. magnetic, electric, harmful. volatile. gator doesn't speak for a moment, still calling billy with his eyes. when his lips finally part, his tone isn't angry. ]
C'mere.
[ he wants to hold billy now, he wants to hear him cry. it isn't sexual, but there is power flowing through gator that he took what he wanted, billy liked it, and now they sit. there are no predispositions - gator is fully aware that he shouldn't have. he takes and takes and takes - and billy is the perfect toy. good for throwing around, good for fucking, there's no one else like him. gator's eyes lower, and he leans back, anticipating billy's body. this is what roy does. he beats the hell out of whoever he wants, then comforts. there will be no more pain here, until he gets riled up again and kicks in the teeth of anyone who looks at him wrong.
[ Billy'd tried to be strong, tried to pretend this wasn't something he needed, deep in his bones. He'd regretted it almost instantly, let everything fall apart around him in the process. It was futile that he'd come crawling back, tail between his legs, begging forgiveness and offering himself up. But Gator isn't angry now, Billy can tell, even in his current state. They understand each other, even though Billy doesn't feel like he even understands himself. He doesn't know Gator's life, his past, but there's probably similarities there somewhere. You don't just become what they are from nothing.
Letting out a shaky sigh, Billy scoots closer, crawling into Gator's lap despite the way his body aches in protest. His arms circle around him, holding him tight, burying his face against Gator's neck. He doesn't want to cry any more, but he can feel it building behind his eyes, in his throat. ]
'm sorry. [ He swallows, but his voice is breaking anyway, words still running together. ] I don't want it to be over.
[ gator allows billy to crawl into his lap, his arms wrapping around his back and holding him close. he can hear his voice snap, broken like a deer's neck under a boot. he's a thing - something gator can use. there are times when gator feels a tug, an urge, to protect him from anyone else. he is the only one allowed to hurt billy, only he is allowed to make his life miserable. he always rewards, and billy's in the middle of it, gator stroking his back, a deep shh escaping. he kisses the side of billy's neck, then his cheek.
he knows tears will come, and he'll let them. he cradles billy's head, bringing him ever closer. i don't want it to be over. gator nods, head against billy's, and he closes his eyes. this is what billy needs - someone to show him a hand and someone to give him love. as deranged as gator tillman is, there is something strangely interesting to him about billy. he doesn't know everything about him, but that could be easily remedied. billy could tell him, or he could find out. either way works.
as gator nuzzles billy's cheek with his nose, he kisses his jawline. he smiles, brushing billy's hair from his shoulder. leaning his chin in, he whispers against billy's ear: ]
Good, because I'll kill you if you do that again.
[ gator nuzzles billy again, kissing his shoulder. he holds him tighter, hands splayed against billy's spine. he rubs in slow circles, then up and down, soothing. shh, baby - he leans his head back, smiling, tracing hair from billy's eyes. ]
[ Gator's holding him, shushing him as he kisses him softly, and the dam within Billy breaks again. He trembles as he sobs against Gator's collar, fingers clutching handfuls of the back of his shirt.
He's never had the privilege of crying in front of anyone, not without repercussions. It's always been one of Neil's favorite ways of putting him down, and Gator does it too. It's strange to be comforted through it now, but in his sick, addled mind, this just proves how much they need one another. Billy's already broken, but when Gator breaks him, he can put him back together again, build him up stronger.
Gator whispers the threat so sweetly into his ear, and Billy shudders, whimpering into his neck. It chills him to the bone, most of all because he knows it's no exaggeration. It's not surprising, either. It's just the truth, one Billy feels he deserves. They're tied together now, in their own sick form of love, and there's only one way to sever it.
He raises his head to look at Gator when he speaks again, blinking away tears as he nods. Another deep, shuddering breath comes, and he meets Gator's gaze with watery eyes, sincere. ]
I understand. [ His voice is quiet, soft. ] I promise.
[ Then, to show he means it, Billy leans in to kiss Gator, chaste but lingering there, unwilling to pull away. ]
[ there is no escape now. gator has stood his ground, listening to billy sob against his shoulder. he weeps, and gator holds him, eyes unblinking as he stares forward, shh falling from his lips again. once billy has stopped crying, for the most part, he sits forward and gator nods. he smiles again, brushing tears from under billy's eyes with his thumbs. when he's kissed, mouths lingering, gator kisses him deeply - passionately, mouths opening as gator devours billy as if he's sucking his soul down from deep. he drinks in fear, love, pain, hate. when he parts from billy, breathless, he wipes a bit of saliva from billy's lip. ]
You're mine.
[ and in gator's mind, it's settled. he blinks at billy, then gives a nod again, as if it's alright for billy to respond. he's excited, dark eyes bright - he finally broke his pet enough for it to be loyal - his head tilts, and he kisses billy again, this time slow. he never closes his eyes, staring at billy. he wraps his arms around his waist. against billy's lips, a whisper: ]
[ Gator wipes his tears away, deepens the kiss, and Billy moans softly into his mouth, clutching at him like he's afraid to be let go. He is afraid, isn't he? Afraid to misstep, to either drive Gator away or simply bore him. He'd be so easy to discard, and they both know it. And they both know that Billy can't handle being without him now, too.
He only nods, the first time Gator says it: you're mine. To Billy, it begs the question - but are you mine, too? But then they're kissing again, Gator staring him down, Billy suddenly too afraid to close his eyes. He's afraid to know the answer. There is a hierarchy here: Billy the pet, Gator the master. He doesn't know if he's the only one, or one of many, as disposable as those stupid vape carts Gator never goes without. So he buries the question down, murmurs against his lips: ]
[ brushing more hair from billy's eyes, gator's smile is still broad. he looks into billy's eyes, watching the red-rimmed lids blink at him. he lets out a little mmhm - as if satisfied with his work. he tucks hair behind billy's ear, and he couldn't be happier. he's finally done it - what he's always wanted, to break someone down into complete submission, complete loyalty. just like his father, just like the sheriff, just like his bloodline. tillmans beget tillmans, no matter how mad they go down the line. it twists in gator like a knife, but he stabs it into himself deeper every time he sees billy. he'll bleed out his love for him, but not before he bleeds billy dry first. ]
No more cryin', now. You're my girl.
[ he kisses billy again, and there's no real answer from his end. however, gator does feel committed, but he's not one to say so. his cock is for billy's hole. he knows that they fit, painfully, together. they are made up of the same sickness, the same spread seed of their fathers, their twisted, lingering trauma. this is gator's normal, his conscience always riding backseat. he takes off his cap, tossing it to the side, before he leans up to kiss billy with all he has, mouth open. ]
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no subject
His head hangs down, forehead pressed against his arms as he listens to Gator stroking himself, his spit the only mercy Billy will get tonight. He wants it that way, because this should be punishing. He'd welcomed Gator back in with open arms, and he deserves to be shown what that means. His fingers press into him, just a little. Billy whines, wriggling his hips, and then they're gone.
They're quickly replaced with Gator's cock, pushing into him deep and forcing him open. Billy cries out under him, knows the pain would be too much to bear sober, but even now it's making him tremble. Gator's pace is immediately brutal, grunting with the force of each thrust, and Billy whimpers as tears spring to his eyes once again. But he doesn't want him to stop, not for a fucking second. ]
It hurts. [ His voice is cracking, whiny. ] Fuck, it hurts.
[ And yet he's moaning for it like a bitch in heat, muscles tensing involuntarily every time Gator pounds against his spot. Billy doesn't think he can come when he's this far gone, but he doesn't care. This is its own reward just as much as it is a punishment. He arches his back, groaning, drooling. ]
Needed this. [ He pants, struggling through the words as tears fall from his eyes. ] I'm - a sick fuckin' faggot.
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billy's a pretty thing, and if that makes gator a fucking faggot, though he knows he's isn't - so be it. he likes fucking him, likes making him his own. horrible, violent thoughts. sexual pain. hurt and tension and suffering. that's what this is about, what it all boils down to into nothing. gator knows he's wrong, but his body wins, the feeling incredible as he hears billy cry. ]
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm sick, huh? Is that what you like?
[ gator knows that billy isn't getting much pleasure out of this, but when gator slams into him, the build up growing within him, he squeezes harder. he's seeing stars, brutal and red and bleeding, before he throws his head back and comes. his back stiffens, a low groan issuing, come freely leaking from the head of his cock and into billy. he rides out his orgasm, the wet noise of his cock fucking more come into billy's ass turning him on, making him bite his lip until a prick of blood stains his teeth. ]
no subject
Billy chokes out another sob as Gator speaks, nodding as best he can with his hand still wrapped around his throat. ]
Uh huh. F-Fuckin' -- love it.
[ Gator squeezes harder, and Billy feels faint, doesn't know if he can hold himself up much longer, thighs shaking. He wonders if Gator would keep going if he did pass out on him, but he hangs on. The least he can do is take it like a fuckin' man even if he isn't one, not really.
He can't decide if he's relieved or disappointed when Gator starts to come, hot and deep, seemingly endless. If nothing else it makes him wetter, moaning as Gator fucks him through it, milking every last bit of pleasure he can from Billy's body. But he knows when it's over and Gator leaves, his mood will only drop that much more. He doubts he'll even make it to his bedroom before he crashes, though. ]
F-Fuck, it's so full. Fuck...
no subject
he hitches up his pants only so far, then walks to the bathroom to clean up. it doesn't take long, a wet towel and a rubdown, before he strides back into the living room, throwing the towel near billy's head. he works his pants up all the way, then buckles and zips. sitting on the sofa, gator pulls out his vape, taking a long drag. he tilts his head, watching billy on the floor, sweatpants still pulled down - a dripping mess from his ass of come and flecks of blood. he purses his lips. ]
You gonna lay there all night?
[ it's cruel, mean, but isn't that what billy wants? gator's eyes narrow as he drags again, then he pats the seat next to him on the sofa. his fingers curl, scratching it with his stubby nails, beckoning billy to come to him like some sort of animal. he licks his bottom lip, chin jutting at him with a nod. ]
Come here.
[ it's deranged, how much this works for gator, how much it seems to work for billy. they've become pain and pleasure, hate and lust, love and loss. they are beyond what each other needs, beyond what the other can take. there's a twisted part of gator that does love billy - all of his needs are met, all of his pain is sated - as the idea of losing him drives him to madness, but most everything about billy does. ]
Come here.
no subject
He lies there, dazed and trying to collect his mess of half-baked thoughts into something that makes sense. He wants Gator, that much is obvious, but has this convinced him to keep coming back after Billy shoved him away the last time? His thoughts drift to their last encounter, tears in Gator's eyes as he'd pushed him up against the wall.
And then a wet towel lands near his head, brought back to the present by Gator's voice above him. Billy pushes himself up to his hands and knees, grabbing the towel so he can clean himself up. He winces a little as he swipes at his hole, sore and dripping, well aware of how it'll only feel worse later when he's hungover. He takes his time cleaning the mess from his thighs, his balance unsteady.
Gator's calling to him like a dog, and Billy knows that's all he is, an animal. By the time he repeats it, Billy's getting to his feet, tucking himself into his sweatpants. The towel is abandoned on the side table, a problem for later, and he climbs onto the sofa next to him, tucking his legs under himself. It's bad, Billy thinks, how badly he wants to reach out for more contact, to be held, kissed, pet.
Like a dog. He chuckles under his breath. ]
Needed that. [ He sniffs, meeting Gator's eyes. ] Thanks.
no subject
needed that. gator nods again, this time in understanding. what's going on here is wrong, but the both of them only understand one thing: pain. it grows between them like wildflowers, stomped and torn apart under gator's boots. they are the thorns, creeping and crawling like vines around the very core of them. magnetic, electric, harmful. volatile. gator doesn't speak for a moment, still calling billy with his eyes. when his lips finally part, his tone isn't angry. ]
C'mere.
[ he wants to hold billy now, he wants to hear him cry. it isn't sexual, but there is power flowing through gator that he took what he wanted, billy liked it, and now they sit. there are no predispositions - gator is fully aware that he shouldn't have. he takes and takes and takes - and billy is the perfect toy. good for throwing around, good for fucking, there's no one else like him. gator's eyes lower, and he leans back, anticipating billy's body. this is what roy does. he beats the hell out of whoever he wants, then comforts. there will be no more pain here, until he gets riled up again and kicks in the teeth of anyone who looks at him wrong.
there's no difference, is there? ]
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Letting out a shaky sigh, Billy scoots closer, crawling into Gator's lap despite the way his body aches in protest. His arms circle around him, holding him tight, burying his face against Gator's neck. He doesn't want to cry any more, but he can feel it building behind his eyes, in his throat. ]
'm sorry. [ He swallows, but his voice is breaking anyway, words still running together. ] I don't want it to be over.
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he knows tears will come, and he'll let them. he cradles billy's head, bringing him ever closer. i don't want it to be over. gator nods, head against billy's, and he closes his eyes. this is what billy needs - someone to show him a hand and someone to give him love. as deranged as gator tillman is, there is something strangely interesting to him about billy. he doesn't know everything about him, but that could be easily remedied. billy could tell him, or he could find out. either way works.
as gator nuzzles billy's cheek with his nose, he kisses his jawline. he smiles, brushing billy's hair from his shoulder. leaning his chin in, he whispers against billy's ear: ]
Good, because I'll kill you if you do that again.
[ gator nuzzles billy again, kissing his shoulder. he holds him tighter, hands splayed against billy's spine. he rubs in slow circles, then up and down, soothing. shh, baby - he leans his head back, smiling, tracing hair from billy's eyes. ]
Do you understand me?
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He's never had the privilege of crying in front of anyone, not without repercussions. It's always been one of Neil's favorite ways of putting him down, and Gator does it too. It's strange to be comforted through it now, but in his sick, addled mind, this just proves how much they need one another. Billy's already broken, but when Gator breaks him, he can put him back together again, build him up stronger.
Gator whispers the threat so sweetly into his ear, and Billy shudders, whimpering into his neck. It chills him to the bone, most of all because he knows it's no exaggeration. It's not surprising, either. It's just the truth, one Billy feels he deserves. They're tied together now, in their own sick form of love, and there's only one way to sever it.
He raises his head to look at Gator when he speaks again, blinking away tears as he nods. Another deep, shuddering breath comes, and he meets Gator's gaze with watery eyes, sincere. ]
I understand. [ His voice is quiet, soft. ] I promise.
[ Then, to show he means it, Billy leans in to kiss Gator, chaste but lingering there, unwilling to pull away. ]
no subject
You're mine.
[ and in gator's mind, it's settled. he blinks at billy, then gives a nod again, as if it's alright for billy to respond. he's excited, dark eyes bright - he finally broke his pet enough for it to be loyal - his head tilts, and he kisses billy again, this time slow. he never closes his eyes, staring at billy. he wraps his arms around his waist. against billy's lips, a whisper: ]
You're mine.
[ until death do us part. ]
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He only nods, the first time Gator says it: you're mine. To Billy, it begs the question - but are you mine, too? But then they're kissing again, Gator staring him down, Billy suddenly too afraid to close his eyes. He's afraid to know the answer. There is a hierarchy here: Billy the pet, Gator the master. He doesn't know if he's the only one, or one of many, as disposable as those stupid vape carts Gator never goes without. So he buries the question down, murmurs against his lips: ]
I'm yours. All yours.
no subject
[ brushing more hair from billy's eyes, gator's smile is still broad. he looks into billy's eyes, watching the red-rimmed lids blink at him. he lets out a little mmhm - as if satisfied with his work. he tucks hair behind billy's ear, and he couldn't be happier. he's finally done it - what he's always wanted, to break someone down into complete submission, complete loyalty. just like his father, just like the sheriff, just like his bloodline. tillmans beget tillmans, no matter how mad they go down the line. it twists in gator like a knife, but he stabs it into himself deeper every time he sees billy. he'll bleed out his love for him, but not before he bleeds billy dry first. ]
No more cryin', now. You're my girl.
[ he kisses billy again, and there's no real answer from his end. however, gator does feel committed, but he's not one to say so. his cock is for billy's hole. he knows that they fit, painfully, together. they are made up of the same sickness, the same spread seed of their fathers, their twisted, lingering trauma. this is gator's normal, his conscience always riding backseat. he takes off his cap, tossing it to the side, before he leans up to kiss billy with all he has, mouth open. ]