[ Billy'd tried to be strong, tried to pretend this wasn't something he needed, deep in his bones. He'd regretted it almost instantly, let everything fall apart around him in the process. It was futile that he'd come crawling back, tail between his legs, begging forgiveness and offering himself up. But Gator isn't angry now, Billy can tell, even in his current state. They understand each other, even though Billy doesn't feel like he even understands himself. He doesn't know Gator's life, his past, but there's probably similarities there somewhere. You don't just become what they are from nothing.
Letting out a shaky sigh, Billy scoots closer, crawling into Gator's lap despite the way his body aches in protest. His arms circle around him, holding him tight, burying his face against Gator's neck. He doesn't want to cry any more, but he can feel it building behind his eyes, in his throat. ]
'm sorry. [ He swallows, but his voice is breaking anyway, words still running together. ] I don't want it to be over.
[ gator allows billy to crawl into his lap, his arms wrapping around his back and holding him close. he can hear his voice snap, broken like a deer's neck under a boot. he's a thing - something gator can use. there are times when gator feels a tug, an urge, to protect him from anyone else. he is the only one allowed to hurt billy, only he is allowed to make his life miserable. he always rewards, and billy's in the middle of it, gator stroking his back, a deep shh escaping. he kisses the side of billy's neck, then his cheek.
he knows tears will come, and he'll let them. he cradles billy's head, bringing him ever closer. i don't want it to be over. gator nods, head against billy's, and he closes his eyes. this is what billy needs - someone to show him a hand and someone to give him love. as deranged as gator tillman is, there is something strangely interesting to him about billy. he doesn't know everything about him, but that could be easily remedied. billy could tell him, or he could find out. either way works.
as gator nuzzles billy's cheek with his nose, he kisses his jawline. he smiles, brushing billy's hair from his shoulder. leaning his chin in, he whispers against billy's ear: ]
Good, because I'll kill you if you do that again.
[ gator nuzzles billy again, kissing his shoulder. he holds him tighter, hands splayed against billy's spine. he rubs in slow circles, then up and down, soothing. shh, baby - he leans his head back, smiling, tracing hair from billy's eyes. ]
[ Gator's holding him, shushing him as he kisses him softly, and the dam within Billy breaks again. He trembles as he sobs against Gator's collar, fingers clutching handfuls of the back of his shirt.
He's never had the privilege of crying in front of anyone, not without repercussions. It's always been one of Neil's favorite ways of putting him down, and Gator does it too. It's strange to be comforted through it now, but in his sick, addled mind, this just proves how much they need one another. Billy's already broken, but when Gator breaks him, he can put him back together again, build him up stronger.
Gator whispers the threat so sweetly into his ear, and Billy shudders, whimpering into his neck. It chills him to the bone, most of all because he knows it's no exaggeration. It's not surprising, either. It's just the truth, one Billy feels he deserves. They're tied together now, in their own sick form of love, and there's only one way to sever it.
He raises his head to look at Gator when he speaks again, blinking away tears as he nods. Another deep, shuddering breath comes, and he meets Gator's gaze with watery eyes, sincere. ]
I understand. [ His voice is quiet, soft. ] I promise.
[ Then, to show he means it, Billy leans in to kiss Gator, chaste but lingering there, unwilling to pull away. ]
[ there is no escape now. gator has stood his ground, listening to billy sob against his shoulder. he weeps, and gator holds him, eyes unblinking as he stares forward, shh falling from his lips again. once billy has stopped crying, for the most part, he sits forward and gator nods. he smiles again, brushing tears from under billy's eyes with his thumbs. when he's kissed, mouths lingering, gator kisses him deeply - passionately, mouths opening as gator devours billy as if he's sucking his soul down from deep. he drinks in fear, love, pain, hate. when he parts from billy, breathless, he wipes a bit of saliva from billy's lip. ]
You're mine.
[ and in gator's mind, it's settled. he blinks at billy, then gives a nod again, as if it's alright for billy to respond. he's excited, dark eyes bright - he finally broke his pet enough for it to be loyal - his head tilts, and he kisses billy again, this time slow. he never closes his eyes, staring at billy. he wraps his arms around his waist. against billy's lips, a whisper: ]
[ Gator wipes his tears away, deepens the kiss, and Billy moans softly into his mouth, clutching at him like he's afraid to be let go. He is afraid, isn't he? Afraid to misstep, to either drive Gator away or simply bore him. He'd be so easy to discard, and they both know it. And they both know that Billy can't handle being without him now, too.
He only nods, the first time Gator says it: you're mine. To Billy, it begs the question - but are you mine, too? But then they're kissing again, Gator staring him down, Billy suddenly too afraid to close his eyes. He's afraid to know the answer. There is a hierarchy here: Billy the pet, Gator the master. He doesn't know if he's the only one, or one of many, as disposable as those stupid vape carts Gator never goes without. So he buries the question down, murmurs against his lips: ]
[ brushing more hair from billy's eyes, gator's smile is still broad. he looks into billy's eyes, watching the red-rimmed lids blink at him. he lets out a little mmhm - as if satisfied with his work. he tucks hair behind billy's ear, and he couldn't be happier. he's finally done it - what he's always wanted, to break someone down into complete submission, complete loyalty. just like his father, just like the sheriff, just like his bloodline. tillmans beget tillmans, no matter how mad they go down the line. it twists in gator like a knife, but he stabs it into himself deeper every time he sees billy. he'll bleed out his love for him, but not before he bleeds billy dry first. ]
No more cryin', now. You're my girl.
[ he kisses billy again, and there's no real answer from his end. however, gator does feel committed, but he's not one to say so. his cock is for billy's hole. he knows that they fit, painfully, together. they are made up of the same sickness, the same spread seed of their fathers, their twisted, lingering trauma. this is gator's normal, his conscience always riding backseat. he takes off his cap, tossing it to the side, before he leans up to kiss billy with all he has, mouth open. ]
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Letting out a shaky sigh, Billy scoots closer, crawling into Gator's lap despite the way his body aches in protest. His arms circle around him, holding him tight, burying his face against Gator's neck. He doesn't want to cry any more, but he can feel it building behind his eyes, in his throat. ]
'm sorry. [ He swallows, but his voice is breaking anyway, words still running together. ] I don't want it to be over.
no subject
he knows tears will come, and he'll let them. he cradles billy's head, bringing him ever closer. i don't want it to be over. gator nods, head against billy's, and he closes his eyes. this is what billy needs - someone to show him a hand and someone to give him love. as deranged as gator tillman is, there is something strangely interesting to him about billy. he doesn't know everything about him, but that could be easily remedied. billy could tell him, or he could find out. either way works.
as gator nuzzles billy's cheek with his nose, he kisses his jawline. he smiles, brushing billy's hair from his shoulder. leaning his chin in, he whispers against billy's ear: ]
Good, because I'll kill you if you do that again.
[ gator nuzzles billy again, kissing his shoulder. he holds him tighter, hands splayed against billy's spine. he rubs in slow circles, then up and down, soothing. shh, baby - he leans his head back, smiling, tracing hair from billy's eyes. ]
Do you understand me?
no subject
He's never had the privilege of crying in front of anyone, not without repercussions. It's always been one of Neil's favorite ways of putting him down, and Gator does it too. It's strange to be comforted through it now, but in his sick, addled mind, this just proves how much they need one another. Billy's already broken, but when Gator breaks him, he can put him back together again, build him up stronger.
Gator whispers the threat so sweetly into his ear, and Billy shudders, whimpering into his neck. It chills him to the bone, most of all because he knows it's no exaggeration. It's not surprising, either. It's just the truth, one Billy feels he deserves. They're tied together now, in their own sick form of love, and there's only one way to sever it.
He raises his head to look at Gator when he speaks again, blinking away tears as he nods. Another deep, shuddering breath comes, and he meets Gator's gaze with watery eyes, sincere. ]
I understand. [ His voice is quiet, soft. ] I promise.
[ Then, to show he means it, Billy leans in to kiss Gator, chaste but lingering there, unwilling to pull away. ]
no subject
You're mine.
[ and in gator's mind, it's settled. he blinks at billy, then gives a nod again, as if it's alright for billy to respond. he's excited, dark eyes bright - he finally broke his pet enough for it to be loyal - his head tilts, and he kisses billy again, this time slow. he never closes his eyes, staring at billy. he wraps his arms around his waist. against billy's lips, a whisper: ]
You're mine.
[ until death do us part. ]
no subject
He only nods, the first time Gator says it: you're mine. To Billy, it begs the question - but are you mine, too? But then they're kissing again, Gator staring him down, Billy suddenly too afraid to close his eyes. He's afraid to know the answer. There is a hierarchy here: Billy the pet, Gator the master. He doesn't know if he's the only one, or one of many, as disposable as those stupid vape carts Gator never goes without. So he buries the question down, murmurs against his lips: ]
I'm yours. All yours.
no subject
[ brushing more hair from billy's eyes, gator's smile is still broad. he looks into billy's eyes, watching the red-rimmed lids blink at him. he lets out a little mmhm - as if satisfied with his work. he tucks hair behind billy's ear, and he couldn't be happier. he's finally done it - what he's always wanted, to break someone down into complete submission, complete loyalty. just like his father, just like the sheriff, just like his bloodline. tillmans beget tillmans, no matter how mad they go down the line. it twists in gator like a knife, but he stabs it into himself deeper every time he sees billy. he'll bleed out his love for him, but not before he bleeds billy dry first. ]
No more cryin', now. You're my girl.
[ he kisses billy again, and there's no real answer from his end. however, gator does feel committed, but he's not one to say so. his cock is for billy's hole. he knows that they fit, painfully, together. they are made up of the same sickness, the same spread seed of their fathers, their twisted, lingering trauma. this is gator's normal, his conscience always riding backseat. he takes off his cap, tossing it to the side, before he leans up to kiss billy with all he has, mouth open. ]